Is there Anything that says, ‘Forward Motion’ like a Bicycle? I had one bicycle as a young girl, this one looks like it. I tried to back up that Bicycle.. let’s just say, it wasn’t pretty. I might have avoided wheelies and skinned knees, though my clean, almost new Tennis Shoes got scuffed, and the bike tipped over. Yes, with me on it.
I recall telling you that I am Uncoordinated, practically from birth. Okay, by first grade, it was obvious. Sadly, publicly obvious. So, just the Act of Moving can be dangerous for me. And..
I think I recall telling you about Pit Barbeque, though, did I mention Real Pit BBQ isn’t throwing something on the backyard grill? No, real pit BBQ is getting harder and harder to find. And, really: I think those places don’t want New Customers coming around. As a girl, riding in the backseat with the windows rolled down.. the scent of Loblolly Pines, the crunch of an old chert road.. I knew when the scent began to change.. I smelled it. That distinct Hickory Smoke… ‘It’s just on down the road..’ could mean Miles in Alabama. It’s true.
Though, here’s the thing. I’m not taking you on a bicycle ride to get Pit BBQ. I am not even suggesting we take a Car. For one thing, it’s dangerous. Those places are notoriously waay back in the woods.. and I will admit it, I could get us lost. I would have to think about it long and hard.. because learning how to Drive, practically made my driving instructor want to quit his job!
No, I’m movin’ on.
Wait, don’t call the Funeral Home yet! I’m just going to get historical on you, first.
For 10 years, I have been writing Camellia’s Cottage. First, under the pen name of Camellia. My hands literally shook before I hit ‘Publish’. Do you know that feeling?
Back in 2020, we had that pandemic. My voice, as Camellia , began to crack. Stuff wasn’t as funny to me as before. I was concerned about Small Shops and Small Business owners surviving. So, I shifted the Messages here, on Camellia’s Cottage, to Inspiration and Marketing, and there’s this: shhh… the po-lit-ical landscape for southerners was starting to be as hot as freshly poured asphalt.
That’s not my style- to get in heated conversations or into hot water for that matter. So, I kept Writing to You about Marketing- selling what you Do, Create or Offer. *I still do that Weekly in my Newsletter. The signup form is here: Brenda Wyatt.
Meanwhile, expect this here: I’m Movin’ On to a Shift here. I miss writing Southern Lifestyle, Southern Food and Southern Humor. It’s generally ‘bygone era’ stuff. Why? Well, I’m pretty ‘bygone’ myself and to be honest, that kind of writing is nostalgic and funnier.. I plan to write more of that.
I’ve already planned the Funeral. Wait! not my funeral.. I’m not going anywhere. I have more to say about ‘bygone era’ Funeral quirks and customs. It will be at least a 3 Part Series. Here’s a taste of what you will read, in the Funeral Series:
- The Flowers. Don’t use Plastic. Do let the Garden Club ladies scour roadsides and gardens. Yard Flowers. Great on their own or as Fillers. Let Uncle Fred sit and fret over the exact shade of Pink Roses ‘she loved’.
- The Food. We must talk about the Funeral Food. It’s an Encyclopedia Volume 1 and 2. Let me just say one word. Casseroles. ‘Really, Mabel who would’nt want Elbow Macaroni laid to rest in that egg and cheese custard? Though, don’t you dare add that Cayenne Pepper that Lucille insists on! It’s not fitting, to bring the heat on for the Bereaved, who Do Not, I repeat, Do Not want to even think about how hot the Devil’s Back Door Knob might be!’
- The Restorative Cocktail. Now, don’t get up on your abstaining High Horse. I won’t elaborate on this just yet. Here’s the Thing. A discreet ‘after the funeral is over, Restorative Cocktail’, isn’t a Celebration for heaven’s sake! – it’s for Medicinal Purposes only. If St. Paul allowed for it, who are we to question Apostolic Advice? No, siree, we will not.
So, yes, I will be movin’ and backing up carefully towards Southern Lifestyle, Southern Food, Southern Humor. *again, the Inspiration and Marketing Advice will still be in my Weekly Newsletter!
Love y’all, Brenda aka Camellia
Don’t forget to sign up for that Marketing and Inspirational Newsletter!
And, if you’re interested in finding a Writing Community, here’s the one I created, it’s the Writing Sanctuary. I would love to have you!
Remember:
If you sign up- I will never sell your information, I will never talk about you behind your back, I won’t mention that weight you’ve gained over the summer, I won’t even get mad if you unsubscribe.. it would break my heart, though.
They still spring forth from twisted roots, thick marshes, stark rocky hillsides, rushing rivers, dark coal mines and the red clay soil of Alabama, a veritable Bevy of Beauties. Let us never forget that:
It must be said, that those who are born loving sparkles often get the crown– we have spawned more than one Miss America right here in Alabama. Southern Beauties win more often than any other region of the United States! We may be the Land of Cotton but someone somewhere has made a killing off the 1000’s of yards of tulle for years now! Ball Gowns, Prom dresses, Homecoming Courts, Beauty Pageants, Cotillions and every conceivable holiday including Alabama’s own Mardi Gras, in Mobile, Alabama.
We teach them that to be well received,
For instance, even when we suspect someone is acting in an unusual way…. ‘We always felt a little bit sorry for her- she was a shy soul who had fallen arches, varicose veins, thick ankles and- kept her venetians closed tight as a tick. Most folks suspected her nerves were bad or that she might be a closet drinker. But nice, let me tell you- you will never meet a nicer person in the world, a little unkempt, bless her heart- but so nice.’ Yes, that’s the Southern way of putting things. If we suspect someone might be going over the edge- well… there are telltale signs…
‘Most folks plant petunias in an old tire, but Emma’s been working herself to death- she’s got a whole tire garden – whitewashed or white walled tires with a bottle tree slap dab in the middle or it- I think she’s just got nervous energy that needs workin’ off- One of the neighbors said they thought they heard incantations at night around the bottle tree- but I think it was just those bottles rattling when the wind got up. So what if she planted a tire garden anyway? It’s better than keeping things all bottled up or falling out with a case of bad nerves.’
And there’s this- naturally some folks do get nervous when they have to get up at meeting to make a little talk, their hands sweat and quiver-One suffering man said…‘I’m so nervous, I could thread a sewing machine and it going.’ Nerve wracking.
All women worry about their children; if they will they make it all right when they get grown but some Southern women worry about whether or not theirs will rise above sorry circumstances– one woman said the houses she grew up in smelled of chlorine bleach, steamed cabbage and home permanents. She wondered if her daughters would rise above it– they did. One has her own Happy Housecleaning Service and the other is a Beauty Operator.
And then there’s the case of Aunt Freezia Butler… she’d always been a bundle of nerves, she was high strung when she was a young girl. As a grown woman, Aunt Freezia suffered from tension headaches, nervous stomach, had occasional bouts of Saint Vidas Dance and knew the heartbreak of psoriasis. Aunt Freezia was a buttoned up type, had a tight perm to match; mostly she didn’t trust doctors. Still. Freezia was a spiritual type – Hard shell Baptist. She claimed it was biblical to take a nip for her oft infirmities according to St. Paul. So she kept a bottle of spirits in her chifforobe ‘for medicinal purposes only’ said it settled her nerves. It probably did.
A final warning, beware of the wilting Southern Beauty Queen who has gotten to the age when her mind has started to wander… she will offer her delicate and limp hand like a fading gardenia, then takes to her bed with a rare case of Magnolia Fever. Watch out for this type. Her nervous spells will run you to death- waiting on her hand and foot. Do everything- only to watch her turn on you… mean as a snake! Then! this old Beauty will have the nerve to blame it on a tension headache; says she is declining rapidly- knows the end is near- makes elaborate funeral plans and final wishes. Southerners fall for this- Every. Single. Time.
Now, you know the secret of my crazy writing habits- it’s keeping notes…in no particular order, of amusing or unusual phrases or words- then it’s like pulling a rabbit out of the magician’s hat. Some time, somewhere when I least expect it- all of those reams of random paper bring on a goofy piece of writing designed to amuse and inform. This one- for instance- is like all Southern tales… part truth, part myth and part outright lies. And, you have to admit- it took a lot of nerve to write it!
When Southerners leave home- they face certain perils that have to do with customs, language barriers, expectations and leading a sheltered life. I’m talking about travel within the continuous United States, not abroad. It’s a given that travelling abroad brings it own set of perils. Southerners-
Speaking of housing, a young friend was moving to New York with her college roommate, the girl said, ‘I’m hoping we can find a Co-Op somewhere in the Village.’ Let me tell you, where I’m from- a Co-Op is the ‘Seed and Feed, Barbed Wire, Bush Hog Parts, Bedding Plants and Chainsaw Blade Shop’ and is certainly not in a Village! Now, why would anyone want to live in one of those? We understand the desire to go to New York to shop– however, the thought of moving there with all of that noise, sy-reens blaring all night (ambulances), underground subways- not to mention it’s cold as kraut; we cannot imagine actually living there full time! We warn our young, if they take a wild hair and want to leave home-
Times Square is perilous too- there’s so much going on it’s hard to concentrate, not to mention the half naked traffic controller. He might have on patriotic skivvies and cowboy boots (Harold Joe is convinced he’s an undercover cop), but really! No self respecting Officer of the Law would be caught dead in a get-up like that in my part of the country! Broadway Shows are where we really shine…
Camellia's Cottage 