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Loud…

loud print vintage dress

 

It occurred to me recently that if you are not from the South, you might not understand how we talk. Words that normally have just one clear meaning for other regions- may be couched in southern code- like loud. With that one exception of our yelling at SEC football games…we teach our children to speak kindly, softly and as quiet as possible. Even if you’re driving home an important point, use non-offensive language- please.

My favorite example, when I am challenged on this point- is my friend Linda. For years, Linda was the Director of a sizeable rambunctious group of kindergarteners… when she wanted to get the attention of one, a few or the whole bunch of wild Indians; Linda would lower her voice to a whisper instead of getting louder! So, yes- Southerners use the word ‘loud’ just like the rest of the country. But there is loud like talk radio- and there is loud like a printed dress and again there is loud- like perfume-here’s how we respond:

  • Loud Talk-‘Well, bless his heart, do you think he’s deaf or does he just talk loud because he’s coarse and common, or doesn’t know better?’
  • ‘Turn that music down, it’s so loud I can’t hear myself think!’
  • If we really want to get sinister, we say- ‘You’d better quieten down, you’re talkin’ loud enough to raise the dead!’
  • Loud Style-‘Now why in the world would her momma let her go out in that loud print? As pale as she is, she just can’t stand up to it- in fact, I’m not sure I know anybody who could wear loud prints effectively.’
  •  ‘That necktie the preacher had on was so loud, you couldn’t hear a blessed word he was sayin’. Bless his heart, his wife should’ve known better than to let him go shopping by himself.’
  • ‘The black dress was fine but those hot pink earbobs and matching high heels, well, it was a cryin’ shame- it was so loud it ruined the whole look. And the nerve…the nerve of her wearing her grandmother’s pearls with that outfit! Mattie Rae would roll over in her grave, if she could see it’. *The scarier version is ‘Mattie Rae’s is twirling in her grave!‘
  • Loud Odors- ‘Well, I guess we’ll know for a week that she cooked collards! The smell is so loud, somebody needs to crack the windows and doors open-now.’
  • ‘Now why, would anybody order those loud oriental lilies for a funeral blanket? By the time, the funeral parlor’s shut up all night, smellin’ up to high heavens. For a solemn occasion it’s roses, those lilies are so loud they just ruin the whole effect.’
  • ‘Honestly, we couldn’t taste the food for those loud cinnamon red hot candles she had burning, right smack dab in the middle of the table!’
  •  ‘If she keeps wearing that loud perfume, she’ll be sending the wrong signals- only a gardenia bush full of blooms or a streetwalker smells that loud.’ collage of fragrances

Since fragrance is one of my specialities- Let me help you out a little bit here… I worked for some of the finest fragrance companies in the world, Oscar de la Renta, Chanel, L’air du Temps, Bvlgari,Tiffany, YSL and more…  I worked for European fragrance lines, which still use real flowers and essential oils for the basis of their perfumes. Americans engineer synthetic fragrances so well you can barely tell the difference except for how it reacts on human skin.  Since I reeked of fragrance by the time I came home from work- I developed sensitivities to fragrance and hardly ever wear it except on special occasions, which I have come to believe is the appropriate use of perfume. Women no longer ‘layer’ their fragrance and shouldn’t…with powder, lotion and spray. Here is what most women want to know…how do I know which fragrance is right for me? First, my responses will be for European fragrances, the rules are unclear on synthetics.

  • First when choosing a fragrance you must understand that your nose cannot process more than 3 fragrances at a time. You can clear the nose by deeply sniffing coffee beans.
  • The best and most effective way to choose European fragrances is by your skin tone.
  • The rule is: the darker the skintone- the darker the color of the fragrance (in the bottle) you will be able to wear, without it getting too ‘loud‘.
  •  If you are very fair skinned and get ‘pink’ in the sun- go for a fragrance that is almost clear in the bottle. If you really love a fragrance that is darker than clear…do not buy perfume or parfum
  • For a lighter version of a fragrance you love, buy the eau de toilette or the even lighter cologne, each one has a descending amount of the actual perfume in it.
  • For an even lighter fragrance consider body crème, lotion or even soap.
  • The best perfumes have a top note, a middle note, this is the heart of the perfume and a base note– which has the most irritants in it.
  •  A perfume that smells good in the bottle reacts with the skin’s natural oils and will definitely smell different as body heat distributes the fragrance and causes the fragrance to bloom– or get ‘loud‘.
  • Buy the smallest version of fragrance available- European fragrances are perishable.
  • Store your fragrance in a dark cool place to extend the oils and the shelf life.
  • Speaking of shelf life- as you age, your skin is more delicate and thins out- you may need to adjust the strength of your fragrance or even consider a change. This is also true at various life stages – expectant mothers or change of life etc…
  • Know what you are allergic to! If you have seasonal allergies in the spring- florals may set you off, if you are allergic to live Christmas trees- fragrances with cedar, pine, bark or wood resins may not be for you, the same is true if you have allergies in the autumn- scents with patchouli (moss) or various leaves which we associate with fungus. Citrus scents are the least allergen producing. Allergens will usually be found in the base notes and will be listed on the box.
  • And if you cannot wear fragrance at all? One of my all time favorite scents is Jergen’s Lotion!  Just for heaven’s sake…don’t go cheap and don’t get loud!

Love y’all, Camellia

P.S. I met Oscar de la Renta once, he told me he loved Southern women because they are not afraid to be feminine! Gotta love a man like that! He walked around his mother’s garden in Santa Domingo and picked a bouquet of flowers and herbs – which became the classic Oscar de la Renta fragrance!

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Marching Southerners…

For the Love of the Game-

“In a region where fans bleed their team’s colors- fall’s favorite game still takes our breath away. I know why I love it. It goes back to nights in Paul Snow Stadium, when the Fighting Gamecocks of Jacksonville State whipped Troy…We never looked away at halftime. With a great pounding of drums and sounding of brass, the Marching Southerners, in perfect step, would sweep onto the grass. They played music from our history…And the beautiful Marching Ballerinas, in red velvet, kicked those white boots high in the air. Why do we love football? How could we not?” Rick Bragg, Alabama author

In Alabama, football season is sacriligious-ly sacred. It is considered tacky and  inconsiderate, to get married during football season. If you feel you must ‘fly away’ – please stay on life support until after football season, otherwise please note: funerals can be delayed so as not to inconvenience football fans. If a southern lady is in the family way and told her due date coincides with football season, the gynecologist is made to understand that labor must be induced well ahead of the tailgate party. That’s just the way it is.

We teach our children to speak softly and courteously with one exception: ‘You can yell your heart out at football games!‘ In Alabama, our children know how important the Iron Bowl is and you won’t find it in the china cabinet!  We expect our children from infancy to love football, watch football and participate in football- whether it is on the field, on the sidelines or in the stands- and by that I mean:

  • Play Football, be a trainer or be a water boy
  • Be a cheerleader or in a pep squad
  • Participate in a Marching Band!

Everyone knows Alabama’s football teams spawn Heisman Trophy Winners and National Championships! But did you know that the ‘Best Band in America’ is right here in Alabama? Yes, it is. The band became famous on it’s own, then Alabama writer Rick Bragg extolled the JSU Marching Southerners in his book- ‘It’s All Over but the Shouting’ and continues to do so as a columnist for Southern Living Magazine. If you don’t think Jacksonville State’s football program- a recent National Football Champion in their division and the Marching Southerners are intertwined- just watch this:

I am a Marching Southerner parent- with 6 years of some of the most exciting performances I have ever seen on the field, at a Broadway Show or concert, I consider it to be a privilege beyond measure.  Even if the football team wasn’t winning- the Marching Southerners were! I was actually a band parent for 14 years- starting in junior high, high school and all the way through their college years. What marching band does for students is nothing short of amazing – they learn the life lessons of being on time, having your instrument and clothes in order, being prepared, working as a team, learning music– which will stay with them for a lifetime. Unlike sports, you don’t ‘age out’ as a musician. And- marching band students learn – Mathematics, Sociology, Foreign Languages, Physical Education and History! When my children were in high school, we first became acquainted with the power of the Marching Southerners at band festivals. The Southerners were the exhibition band- inspiring teenaged musicians to play and play well-watching stunning performances which were not half time shows! That’s what the Southerners do- their motto is ‘Changing lives one show at a time’. The current Director of Bands is Dr. Ken Bodiford, he started out at JSU playing a big tuba, called a 20J- these instruments weigh 55 pounds!droppedImage jsu 20j's

The drum line is legendary, and though never confirmed or denied, the movie, Drum Line- was reported to have used JSU Marching Southerners as one of their ‘reference’ bands! I could go on and on- the brass section, the clarinets, the Marching Ballerinas- all are precision based and these are the musicians and music educators of the future! Students from all over the region, the United States and beyond play for this marching band! The Marching Southerners will celebrate their 60th anniversary this year! So, to honor that and also to give you a wonderfully loud taste of the South- please watch as much as you dare of the 1999 Bands of America Grand Nationals performance- there are many more up to date- but only a few videos in which both of my beautiful daughters are on the field! Blow Southerners! Blow!  Love y’all, Camellia

 

Congratulations to Dr. Ken Bodiford, Director of Bands, JSU Marching Southerners on 23 years of directing the finest band program in America!

Rick Bragg Southern Journal – http://southernliving.com/community

‘All Over but the Shouting’ by Rick Bragg is available at Amazon.com and major booksellers

Southern Living magazine- http://southernliving.com

Drum Line- the movie is also available on Amazon.com

visit: http://www.marchingsoutherners.org

 

 

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Grits…

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Grits. Simple. Unadorned. In the South, if you truly grew up here, there is a primal instinct to crave Grits. People don’t understand this outside of the region, in fact you may not even be able to find Grits on the grocery shelves in other regions of the country, much less the world. I have a friend whose daughter moved to Los Angeles a decade or so ago, who would whine so pitifully for grits that her mother bought and sent her a bag of grits from time to time. The same thing happened when a friend’s sister moved to New York around the same time frame- ‘Well, I guess she’s homesick, she wants me to send her a bag of grits.’ To be fair, some of the great chefs have taken a low class food like grits and have elevated them to a delicacy once known as breakfast grits for fishermen or laborers near the coastal areas of the south- to Shrimp and Grits, but if a poll were taken I would be willing to bet these same chefs in major cities outside of the South would never eat Grits for breakfast! In the South, field hands to fine gentlemen, get it- they want and expect Grits for breakfast! From nursery food, to sick beds, to hearty men’s breakfasts, and ladies brunches- you will always find Grits on the savory side of the menu, never the sweet.  I can’t say it any better than Alabama girls, Deborah Ford and Edie Hand in their ‘GRITS Handbook’ *-

‘Grits are eaten with butter, gravy or cheese- never sugar.’image

Y’all, trust me on this- true Southerners crave Grits from their bassinets to their deathbeds. Grits are the ultimate comfort food, considered a healing aid, a cure for the sick. I once heard my grandmother say, ‘I knew he was real sick, when he turned his nose up at a bowl of grits.’  Grits are like kinfolks, we sometimes take them for granted, they are the unsung companion to many a fine meal. Grits are the big-hearted, open-to-embellishment relative at the Southern table, it accepts additions graciously- butter, cheese, shrimp, crumbled sausage and bacon, even eggs have been poached in Grits’ Casseroles. Just remember, never sugar. There is a limit to even the most generous among us! You will never find Grits on a dessert table so why would you even think of adding sugar?  We southerners love our food, we talk about it- we pass recipes down and around; what we may have lacked in fortunes, was more than made up for on food laden tables, generously shared, eaten heartily without shame or daintily with lively conversation. Even when we’re eating out, someone will say ‘Here, try this’ – to say ‘No’ –is out of the equation you will just hear- ‘Really, you have to try this.’- as we put at least one bite over on the loved one’s plate. We can get downright biblical about food– someone once asked, ‘How many people will that pot of grits feed?’ The answer? ‘Oh honey, multitudes.’ Grits have served multitudes, down through Southern history- using the basic elements of fire, water, salt and that most ancient food- Corn. image

In my southern childhood innocence, there was no doubt Goldilocks interrupted the Three Bears’ breakfast of Grits, not porridge! Southern women have a distinct, almost unnatural fascination with ancestral food, like Grits. We rely on family recipes, our grandmothers’ ancient potions and mysterious cures. When prescriptions or modern medicine fail us- we offer Grits as part of a curative white diet, along with chicken broth, weak tea, ginger ale, soda crackers, rice, dry toast,mashed potatoes and scraped apple.image

When we cook Grits, we are communing with our ancestors; even when I am alone in my kitchen- the mothers, aunts and grandmothers are with me- informing me. Like taking care of a family- Grits have to be watched, tended to, kept moving- stirred gently with a languid patience, especially when they are absorbing the hot water of life. You learn to swirl the Grits into water that is at a rolling boil, then bring them down to a soft bubble- never stepping away from the simmer, taking the time to get it right, gently adding a bit of cool water if they start to thicken too soon- bring them to just the right consistency, turning off the flame, adding a bit of butter for richness; then covering with a lid almost like tucking them under a quilt. You learn this when you’re the cook, when you’re the nourishing caretaker of a husband, of a family or a community. You learn how much effort it takes to get it right, just from making a pot of Grits. The humble bowl of Grits-is proof that whether in a rundown shack, a double wide trailer, a lake house, a high rise beach condo or a country club- in the South we are all linked by a simple warm bowl of Grits.

You either like them or you don’t- but you can’t deny the allure of Grits- the generous big hearted food of the South is what culinary dreams are made of- in fact, I’m dreaming of having a Build Your Own Shrimp and Grits Party! We’ll top it with spicy shrimp, cheese, crumbled bacon, ham or Andouille  sausage- maybe some red eye gravy,  fried okra, bell peppers, finely diced purple onion and red tomatoes …what else? Well, my grits are getting cold…

Love y’all, Camellia

*quote from The Grits (Girls Raised in the South) Guide to Life by Deborah Ford with Edie Hand Product Details

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Front Porches of Alabama…

Welcome to the Front Porches of Alabama!

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‘Friends are like the pillars on your Front Porch…Sometimes they hold you up, Sometimes they lean on you; Sometimes, it’s just enough to know they’re standing by for you…’

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Yes, welcome to the Porches of Alabama… ‘How do you do’, ‘Y’all come up and set a while’ or ‘Tell me all about it, we’ll figure out what to do’…

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SONY DSC

We’ll sip a glass of sweet iced tea, sit and watch the sunset, blink with the lightin’ bugs and hear the crickets sing. Softly sing a song or two, a stolen kiss, a sweet embrace, a gentle breeze to chase the blues away…

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SONY DSC

‘We’re glad you came’- Are you sure y’all can’t stay awhile?’  with  gentle hugs, a tear or two-‘Now don’t be a stranger’ or  ‘Please don’t go we’ll miss you so!’ We’ll watch until you’re out of sight-from the Front Porches in Alabama._DSC0111-1

‘Friends are like Front Porch Pillars, Sometimes they hold you up, Sometimes they lean on you;  Sometimes it’s just enough to know they’re standing by for you.’

Love y’all, Camellia

A Heartfelt Thanks to Jeremy Miniard for almost all of these wonderful ‘Front Porches of Alabama’ – what would we do without him?? We have some more of them in the vault waiting! They do belong to him, and cannot be reproduced without permission.

 I’d like to claim it as my own, but the Front Porch Quote is Anonymous.

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Tea Sandwiches…

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Tea Sandwiches. Tea Sandwiches were a standard menu item for almost every important occasion.. They were tiny works of art, delicate finger foods, savory pickups-alongside petit fours, cheese straws, delicately tinted mints, salted or sugared nuts, thimble angel biscuits with a sliver of Virginia Ham elevated a get together to an occasion. At the best events – tea sandwiches were artfully arranged on doily covered, freshly polished, ancient silver trays.

Even Southern men, strong or shrewd, have been known to put on smooth talking airs, dainty manners and seersucker suits with bow ties, just for the privilege of eating tea sandwiches– I’ve witnessed it- big strong outdoor types going weak kneed, gently holding a tea sandwich as if he’d just swirled the belle of the ball around the dance floor.

Let me tempt you to traipse down memory lane where tea sandwiches grace the tables:

  • Afternoon Weddings, Bridal Teas
  • Mother/Daughter Teas, Garden Parties
  • Afternoon at the Bridge Tables
  • Baby Showers, Christenings, Sunday Afternoon Socials
  • Birthday or Anniversary Parties, Historical Society Soirees

And who knows what all…Gatherings to honor:

  •  the Most Worshipful Mothers of the Conecuh County Sausage Makers
  • the Worthy Matrons of the Chilton County Peach Park
  • the Queen Mothers of the Etowah County High School Homecoming Queen Reunion
  • the Outgoing Officers of the Shelby County Cowbelles
  • an Ice Water Tea for the Hysterical Society for the Keepers of the Covered Bridges

I made those events up– yet, whatever the special occasion- again, you could count on tea, punch, cheese straws, highly decorated petit fours or cakes, mints, nuts, tea sandwiches, the perfect finger foods.

Blessed is the one who knows the procedures for making tea sandwiches. Blessed is the one who has the recipes for the fillings. Blessed is the one who is willing to make tea sandwiches- her social value increases dramatically. Cursed is the one who makes tea sandwiches for a living, since they take a period of 2-3 days to make.  Blessed is the one who chooses to make them for loved ones. I am blessed.

My grandmother taught me the procedure and about a dozen filling recipes. The top four most requested are: Chicken Salad, Pimento Cheese, Egg Salad and Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches.

Because it has been so hot this summer, I decided to share the procedure for making:

Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches 

  • 3 slender cucumbers- about 7-8 inches long (plus one for garnish-reserve)
  • the zest of one medium lemon
  • approximately 1 teaspoon of finely grated onion
  • one 8 oz package of cream cheese softened to room temperature
  • 1-2 T. of good mayonnaise- Hellman’s or any that has lemon juice in the ingredients label
  • 2 Pullman loaves of bread, white or light wheat
  • Yield 10-12 dozen and even this might not be enough!

Procedure for cucumber filling: Carefully remove the zest of one medium lemon being careful not to get into the white pith which can be bitter, then with a sharp knife, cut off the bitter ends of the cucumbers- a Tea is the Time for Celebration- it is not the time for bitterness of any kind.

I like to leave the peels on the cucumbers for color and texture, however you can keep part of the cucumbers with the peel on- then peel one or two of the cucumbers before grating them on the coarse side of a box grater. Put the grated cucumbers and lemon zest in a large fine mesh sieve placed over a deep bowl. Then on the fine side of the box grater- grate about a teaspoon of yellow onion directly into the sieve, in with the lemon zest and grated cucumbers.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the softened cream cheese, mayonnaise and about 1 teaspoon of fresh lemon juice. Refrigerate.

Inside the sieve, fit a small plate on top of the grated cucumber, lemon zest and onion-weight this down with something heavy- a large jar of pickled cucumbers will do nicely. Drain and rest in the refrigerator overnight, you will be surprised the next morning- to find about a cup of cucumber juice in the bowl. Discard liquid or if you are a health nut- drink it.

The grated cucumber, lemon zest and grated onion will be ‘dry’, that is exactly what you want to prevent soggy sandwiches. Remove the cream cheese mixture from the refrigerator. Fold the drained cucumber mix into the cream cheese mix. Chill- you may want to leave this overnight- which I prefer to do. Just think of the zest of life, the spice of life combining with an attitude of cool and calm cucumbers. Perfect!

To assemble the tea sandwiches: Discard the end pieces from the Pullman loaves of bread, white or light wheat. When the chilled cucumber mixture is a spreadable consistency, spread evenly over one side of the bread, topping it with another. You should have 40 full size sandwiches. (I make them in batches).

Now for the fun part! Trim the crusts with a serrated knife- discard or snack on… then cut the trimmed sandwich into four tiny squares or triangles- or even 3 rectangular finger sandwiches. Line a large pan with parchment, and slightly damp paper towels. Place the tiny sandwiches close together in a single layer as shown above. At this point, decorate each one as you choose- I like to top with thin sliced cucumber wedges and a few grains of lemon salt. On the single layer of sandwiches, put more damp paper towels, then another layer of tea sandwiches decorating as you go…ending with damp paper towels on top. You will need two pans. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and chill- generally overnight. This ‘chill’ makes the tea sandwiches hold together as one piece, not separated. All types of tea sandwiches follow this part of the procedure- regardless of fillings.

Keep chilled, do not unwrap until you are ready to serve. Put out in small batches if possible to keep the bread soft.  Keep any reserved sandwiches covered and chilled- and if you are smart, hidden.2015-06-05 09.21.38

I hope you’ve stayed with me this long… ‘Cool as a Cucumber’ is a Southern term- it either means- ‘we’re all perspiring but she’s sitting there as cool as a cucumber’. However I have heard no better use of it- than what my friend Coral Anne told me years ago-

 No matter what kind of mischief her favorite ex-husband had gotten into, Coral Anne said he could sit there just as cool as a cucumber!

Oh me! Makes me think of Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches every time. To loosely quote Simone Weil- ‘To be rooted in Southern culture– to know where you come from and embrace the worthwhile traditions– is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.’  I hope there are some brave souls who continue to hold the traditions of making tea sandwiches for generations to come…it is one of those least recognized needs.

Love y’all, Camellia

Simone Weil’s real comment is- ‘To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.’