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The Circle of Life…

This has been a sad week in several ways, memorials to loved ones who are no longer with us, those who have been touched by sadness and tragedy. And just when the week was ending- a baby was born. Whoever said, ‘Friends are the Family we choose for Ourselves’ was right! A new member of the extended family of Camellia’s Cottage, a precious Baby Boy named Camper stepped into The Circle of Life.  To honor this happy occasion, for your viewing pleasure- The Theme Song from Disney’s Lion King©:

Love y’all, Camellia

Congratulations Maggie, Chris and Larkin for letting us share your joy!

*quote about Friends – Jess C. Scott- The Other Side of Life

 

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Candlelight Vigil…

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. A Candlelight Vigil was held in my hometown on October 11, near beautiful Logan Martin Lake, at the serene Chapel in the Pines.  Another Candlelight Vigil was held at Birmingham’s historic Linn Park on October 18. Both Candlelight Vigils not only heightened awareness, but honored those who have lost their lives through Domestic Violence. YWCA of Central Alabama sponsored both of these emotional events. It is difficult to believe that in 2015- 32 victims were killed, 267 were raped and 3500 were assaulted by someone who had said, ‘I love you’, right here in Alabama. Those are just the ones that were reported, many more assaults have surely gone unreported. The toll this type of violence takes on homes, children and communities is enormous. I am very honored to serve on a steering committee which serves women and children right here in my hometown. cadlelight-vigil-for-web

The Warning Signs which can lead to Domestic Violence are important to recognize so that lives may be spared.

  • Verbal and Emotional Abuse– Public and private language intended to demean, humiliate, embarrass and damage the self esteem of the victim. Name calling, shameful nicknames, mind games, coarse references about the image of the victim.  Displays or gestures of disgust which result in a loss of confidence. Abusers are overly sensitive to criticism and may react with verbal attacks An abuser may challenge the mental state of the victim, often with accusations of mental illness.
  •  Intimidation– Actions by the abuser instill Fear. Loud coarse language, controlling with the eyes or hand gestures, abusing household pets or animals, breaking the victim’s possessions, reckless behavior, uncontrollable rage and even open display of weapons  near the victim.  Abusers know how to hurt a victim privately, bruising where it doesn’t show.
  • Isolation– The abuser seeks to control who his victim talks to, screens television and reading materials. An abuser finds ways to restrict his victim’s movements, often insisting  on being with her. Controls where the victim goes, may even restrict the use of vehicles and  any forms of communication such as cell phones or social media. The abuser insists on exclusiveness with the victim, restricting friendships and relationships with family. An abuser controls his victim – always using jealousy to justify any abusive activity.
  • Economic Abuse– The victim is prevented from any form of economic independence such as getting a job, he makes the victim ask for money- closely controls family funds so the victim believes escape is impossible. Among other obvious problems, economic abuse undermines confidence and creates hopelessness. An abuser also may withhold gifts or lavish gifts to justify his actions.
  • Extreme Jealousy– constantly asking where the victim has been, checking cellphones and social media- actively checking for any sign of cheating, being suspicious if the victim has informed others of the abuse.
  • Blaming Others – commonly saying ‘It’s your fault’, ‘You shouldn’t have provoked me’, ‘You made me hit you, do this’ etc.
  • Using Manipulation or Threats– Using position or power to intimidate the victim, controls the victim by repeatedly threatening to leave, telling her that she is an unfit mother or saying that no one will ever believe her. The abuser threatens to commit suicide and worse threatens to kill the victim or the children.

This is just a sampling of the warning signs that can escalate violence in the homes. This is a dark subject- one I wish we would never have to discuss, however the number of lives lost so far in 2016, more than double that of 2015. ‘YWCA is On a Mission to Save Lives’. I am proud to be a small part of this mission. I would encourage you to visit the YWCA Central Alabama website for more information. candlelight-vigil-2016-ywca

I would also direct you to a wonderful blog- by a beautiful young mother and so much more- Amanda@overcomeabuse , who bravely shares her struggle with abuse and is one of my blogging heroes! Amanda keep inspiring us all!

Please, if you recognize any of the warning signs– make sure you know the location and number of a Certified Shelter or Crisis Hotline in your area. Just these two things can help save your life or the lives of others. Keep these numbers handy in case you run across someone you feel may need these services.

I am indebted to Communications Director, YWCA Central Alabama, Scottie Vickery for the wonderful photographs of our local event, for the information gleaned from the YWCA e-newsletter this month, and to so many others who are working tirelessly everyday to make this world a safer place to live and re-build lives.  Remember, a House is not a Home unless everyone in it feels safe. Let us never get weary of doing all we can to help.

Love y’all, Camellia

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Black Doors…

 

 

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‘High Gloss Black Doors add a note of luxury to your home…’ Heather Bates, Allied ASID

 When the renovations began on Camellia’s Cottage in 2012,  a neutral color scheme of French gray, shades of white and linen was chosen, punctuated by Black Doors inside and out.  The house is an older home, built in the 1980’s- it didn’t have high ceilings or fine molding. The floors were pine but not fine flooring, they had already been painted black with Behr™ Porch and Floor paint and covered with sisal rugs. When the black floors began to get scuffed and look old, I loved them more. The plan was to open up the entire downstairs to make the small cottage feel spacious and let in lots of natural light.  The Chinese have long associated color with certain physical attributes- neutral colors seem to create stability, inner balance, health and nourishment- these are the colors of the Earth. Black is also neutral, but Asian design has always associated Black with abundance, mystery, sophistication and even wealth. Black doors are timeless, so far- black doors have been in vogue a long time, many historic buildings and humble homes have used black doors. The odd thing about black doors is they are both reserved and fashionable at the same time, often paired with black shutters and white exteriors._DSC0264_NEF

 Virginia based designer Heather Bates agrees- ‘…black doors add a note of luxury to your home. The wealthy have known this for a long time.’ Coco Chanel used her favorite colors shades of beige, white and black, in her clothing and in her apartment. Iconic Chanel™ shops still use black doors and white exteriors.

chanel-687460_640Camellia’s Cottage cannot aspire to the high level of Chanel™ in this humble dwelling, however we could use some of her sensibility even in our own scheme. The look is crisp and clean, the neutrals add warmth and calm. Let me show you some of what we did:

 

A crisp white bathroom, with marble tile floors is elevated with a black door, the handrails and stair treads were painted black, to make the ceilings appear higher – white trim was run up to the ceilings to mimic transoms, French doors were painted black- they allow light to stream in but aren’t oppressive, and a guest bath had a small window installed between studs inside to let in light. Black door adds sophistication to an otherwise small and plain opening. We had to replace the front door- it had been black for years but this time we added a new door knocker from Pottery Barn®, a nickel plated kickplate and hardware to set off the front porch which is painted gray- flanked by two matte black urns.

*Please have your door installed by a professional! Your local building supply company usually offers installation services. Home Depot® sold us the door, charged a minimal amount for installer, who discovered a few issues we needed to address so the installation would be done right. Because the oil paint our painter suggested was not extremely high gloss we added a clear top coat of polyurethane. Now after all of this serious decorating advice- let me just say, I love our black doors, they are wonderful to dress up this not very fine house and a bonus- black doors disguise fingerprints! However, black doors might not work in every home- or even have the desired effect you want for your home. Now, I have to add a little bit of Alabama before I let you get back to what you were doing…I was honored to work for several years for Leaf and Petal at the Birmingham Botanical Gardens- the head gardener told me he was going to discard the cotton grown in the George Washington Carver Garden- I asked and he delivered the load of cotton to my car. I hauled it home and made a big wreath from my husband’s muscadine vines which is adorned with this very special Alabama Cotton! I hung it today…image

Now, ain’t that purdy? Thanks for stopping by Camellia’s Cottage. Please  visit my talented friend, Heather Bates at her beautiful design website-www.heatherbates.com (I know she could have made our space even better!). If you’re down this way- visit the beautiful Birmingham Botanical Gardens and Leaf and Petal (also at their website- www.leafnpetal.com) I hope we’ve inspired you, I know you’re getting your Front Door ready for the holidays and even for tiny trick or treaters like I am- tell me some your inspiration, too! From our nest to yours-image

Love y’all, Camellia

All images are mine- except the old home, which was photographed by Jeremy Miniard, who is always so generous with his photographs for us, see his work at http://www.jeremy.miniard.fineartofamerica !The AOL image of  the Chanel Building may be subject to copyright.

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Alabama Porches…

aa200-april-battle-09-23103October seems like a good time for black and white photographs. I love them  all year round-but the crisp fall air makes these black and whites seem hauntingly beautiful for the month of October when little Trick or Treaters will no doubt be making the neighborhood rounds.  Of course, we have the very talented Jeremy Miniard to thank for them! From fine to humble to downright rundown– I give you- Alabama Porches!

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Creakin’, rundown, peelin’ paint, faded glory- bless her heart! Alabama’s still beautiful! We know her faults and love her still. No matter what state we find ourselves in- Our sweet home is Alabama, we know where our heart is and will always find a way back to the Porches of Alabama.

Love y’all, Camellia

Thank you Jeremy Miniard!! We love you, God loves you and Alabama loves you! http://www.jeremy-miniard.fineartamerica.com

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A Southern Spitfire…

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What you’re looking at in the picture above- is a gen-u-ine Southern Spitfire. You would have to know one to understand exactly what we mean by that in the South. Under a thin veneer of Southern charm, my grandmother Betty Jo Sparks Holmes was a Southern Spitfire. I’ve been told her mother was a beauty who rode fast horses sidesaddle! It’s her birthday, if she was alive she would be well over 100. We can’t know her true age  for sure, because-well, a Southern lady generally shaves a few years off. Even tombstones of Southern females may not reflect the actual age. Here’s what I know for sure-She came from a long line of warriors:

  • a Daughter of the American Revolution
  • a Daughter of the Confederacy
  •  and with the papers to prove it, a bonafide descendent of Davy Crockett!

Her husband served in World War I, guarding Woodrow Wilson’s White House, living in tents on the grounds- he was a very handsome man. My grandmother tickled him to death with the things she said- particularly when her green eyes were flashing! Her son, served as one of the youngest pilots in the Navy during World War II, flying off of aircraft carriers in the Pacific. She adored him, caring for him most of his adult life as a disabled veteran. He had a lot of problems, but Mimi never allowed any criticism of him, at all. She was a fiercely patriotic American who loved FDR and his First Lady Eleanor, admired John Kennedy and Jimmy Carter, probably because they served in the US Navy, like her son. I’ve inherited her favorite novel, Gone With the Wind, purchased when it was considered a very racy book! Scarlett O’Hara is the best representation of a Southern Spitfire in literature. My grandmother looked nothing like Vivian Leigh except for the flashing green eyes! However, some of the things Scarlett said could easily apply to Mimi-

  • ‘War, war, war. This war talk’s spoiling all the fun at every party…I get so bored I could scream.’
  • ‘Don’t be a goose, Melly!’
  • ‘Great balls of fire! Don’t bother me anymore, and don’t call me sugar.’scarlett-ohara-black-and-white

Betty Jo Sparks Holmes raised her family, including her younger sister Mary Sue, her younger brother Charles, my Uncle Chig and my mother, Betty Gene- during the Great Depression. She was one of the finest cooks I have ever known. She learned to cook, not because she had to, but because she loved to be in the kitchen with the household cooks. They humored the feisty Betty Jo, by letting her make biscuits, which she would load into a small wagon, take across the tracks and sell to laborers for pennies, knowing when she got home she would be in a mess of trouble! Only to do it again, the next time she got close to the kitchen!

She became a florist at age 55, when most women were homemakers, her income was necessary. She had a great sense of style and good taste, but wasn’t uppity. Her life could be described as ‘grit with grace’. I loved that about her. I can still hear her now- the impression of her strength, wisdom and strong sense of humor inform me all these years since we lost her. She was a Spitfire but she was one of the most generous people I have ever known. ‘As God is my witness’…No one ever came to her door and left hungry, empty handed or without comfort. Like most Southerners, she engaged in a bit of ancestor worship. Mimi didn’t tolerate weakness in me. My older sister was probably her favorite- however, she gave me large chunks of her time and the best advice I have ever received- ‘Stop crying, hold your head up and don’t ever forget whose child you are!’ Now, if that is not advice from a Southern Spitfire? I don’t know what it would be. Happy Birthday Mimi, I’m a better person because of you.

Love y’all, Camellia

Photographs are mine. The top photograph was taken in the 1920s with Mimi’s bob and scandalous short dress holding her son and baby brother J.T.. The photograph on the right was for my sister’s high school graduation, the photograph on the left- Mimi is holding me at Christmas on her lap. The photograph of Vivian Leigh- the indomitable Southern Spitfire- Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind by that great southern author, Margaret Mitchell, is public domain.