Hydrangeas!

I have an ongoing conversation with my garden. Nature speaks to me in a strange language- I see dressmaker details in flowers- I see faces in wisened old trees, I see fabrics- sheer, satin, velvet or nubby. When a stem or branch bends or twists, I see embroidery or applique.  I see elves and nymphs hiding beneath tree roots; butterflies and hummingbirds are flowers in flight-busy bees remind me of happy cooks and homemakers. Let me say it this way…I try to use words to describe things when there are no photographs; for instance-if you couldn’t see these beautiful hydrangeas– how would I describe them to you?

  • Blue Eyelet Bloomers?
  •                  Blue Flowered Bubbles?
  •                               Big Blue Pom Poms on a Green Chenille Bedspread?
  •                   Blue Clouds over an Ocean of Green?
  •  Blue Lace Lollipops on Pale Green Sticks?    or Pink Cotton Candy? or-
  •                         Orbs overlaid with blue crochet?

Hydrangeas bring on summer with the pomp and circumstance of a parade- and stay around until autumn like pale parchments as if they hate to see the season go…

They are not fickle- though they do tend to surprise me…changing in spring from pale green to blue then brighter blue or decide that they might like to wear lilac instead…

Before new hybrids- old timers would say to ‘sweeten’ them up- with lime…to get pink blooms. Just look at this pink hybrid! Reliable bright cotton candy pink blooms shamelessly flamboyant in a friend’s garden!image

And in the last few years, I’ve become enamored of these sweet lace cap hydrangeas!

A bevy of beauty whether in a bouquet or peeping through a fence- I have to admit I love hydrangeas!

I’m greedy, I always want more! So, as much as I enjoy describing hydrangeas with words-I have to share more- hoping you love them too!

Cultivating Hydrangeas is easy – great companion plants in a slightly damp, shady or dappled shade environments, under-planted with spring bulbs, hostas and Ferns…Try it!

Thanks for stopping by Camellia’s Cottage…remember if you sign up we will never ask-

  • Your age or your shoe size, we will never ask where you were when you got those chigger bites-
  • we will never share your whereabouts though you might need to let your momma know occasionally…

If you follow our blog…

  • We won’t ask if your weight on your driver’s license is the same as on your home scale.
  • We won’t ask what you were eating or how much when you got that grease stain – or
  • Why you didn’t put down a quilt when you got that grass stain!

We will never ask when you started dyeing your hair, why you cut your own bangs –

  • We will gently let you know that your dress is hiked up-
  • We won’t mention that the buttons seem to be pulling since you gained so much weight…

We like you just the way you are! Stop by anytime day or night.  We’ll leave the light on!

Love y’all, Camellia

Thank you to a fellow lover of hydrangeas and friend -Alyson, for the beautiful photos of your pink hydrangeas and the bouquet! Think you want to grow hydrangeas? Here are few resources from Amazon.com-

Hydrangeas!                 Hydrangeas

Big Glamourous Hair…

 

image

With ancestors named Dora Eugenia, Betty Jo, Betty Gene, Bama, Delta, Mary Sue and not one but two  great aunts named Trix, even a cousin we called Daw Daw-what would I be but southern- all the way out to the ends of my hair! *And if you will hang in there with me until the end…you’ll see!

Kinfolk, Farrah Fawcett, Dolly Parton, Sister Vestal Goodman and Jackie Kennedy  probably instilled my love for big hair-

Dolly Parton Dolly~!DOLLY PARTONDolly PartonDolly Parton during the cover photo session for her album Heartbreaker ...  Dolly Parton quote

 

 

 

If anyone tells you your hair is too big... More

Dolly’s Hair Quotes are famous! I’ll tell you this and you can mark it down- Give a Southern Woman a can of Aqua Net, a rat tail comb, a jar of Dippity Do, brush rollers, permanent wave solution and a hair pick- and she can go to town with a hairdo.

image

Carrie Underwood said- ‘I’m Southern, I like big hair and eyeliner.’ Others just like big hair- like the great gospel singer- Vestal (pronounced- Ves-chal) Goodman-

Vestal Goodman on Pinterest | Coconut Cakes, Funeral and Watchesvestal goodman | GOSPEL SINGERS | PinterestVestal Goodman rock of ages.mpg | Christian Music | Pinterest

The Happy Goodmans’ Sister Vestal- on the left when she was younger and her trademark looks on the right- Vestal Goodman was famous for her big voice and hair-it seems to have rubbed off on the men in her life- Look at her singin’ Rock of Ages! Can I get an amen for Sister Vestal??

Pictures Of Vestal Goodman Beehive Hairdo | Short Hairstyle 2013 image

 

Top People - Farrah Fawcett

Farrah Fawcett inspired generations of ‘Charlie’s Angels’ fans and hair stylists. I wonder how many hairdressers heard this- ‘Can you cut my hair like Farrah Fawcett?’ We wanted her face too, but failing that- we’d take her hair! Southern Men are not immune to the love of big hair-

elvis-presleyPorter WagonerEmail This BlogThis! Share to Twitter Share to Facebook Share to ...

Elvis Presley, Porter Waggoner (whose wife shot him though maybe not because of his big hair) and Merle Haggard are just a few… Then there’s  James Brown- isn’t this the truth? Same goes for women! Hair and teeth…

Hair is the first thing and teeth the second. Hair and teeth, a man ...

In the South we ask ourselves this everyday, ‘Is it humid today? It feels humid to me.’ Life with big hair... Humidity Today, Curly Hair Problems, Angora ...

I’d love to have a nickel for every time I’ve heard this- ‘Well honey, it’s the humidity- either your hair’s frizzy or your arthritis kicks up!’ Nothing you do will keep the humidity from creaking bones. Humidity wreaks havoc on hair- limp and frizzy hair is just a way of life.  It’s true- thus, the need for hairspray and Dippity Do. So, if you can get that mess of hair tacked and sprayed- the humidity might not affect your hair quite so much. It is affected, but will hold it’s shape better.  I know from experience, that on humid days, big hair is like a big wad of cotton candy – bugs will stick to it! A swarm of locusts stuck to mine one time- well that’s another story…

Of course our role model on the bouffant hairdo was our late great First Lady Jackie Kennedy- who pulled it off with so much class:

jackie kennedy short hair style hairstyles pinterest jackie jackie ...Jackie Kennedy, 1962... style and poise under pressure more jackie kennedy jackie cattleJackie-Kennedy hairstyle | Flickr - Photo Sharing!jackie kennedy hairstylesJACKIE ONASSIS hairstyle - BakuLand - Women & Man fashion blog

My beautiful mother-in-law, my mother and my grandmother wore big hair. A friend and mentor also wears big hair. She swears she can barely walk past a piano without wanting to drape herself across it and sing.  Her husband is a retired, high ranking Navy man-  she says he impersonated Elvis and entertained the sailors and their families many times. (I have no proof of this. But he does have naturally good hair.)

 

I also have a darling friend whose hair is normal– yet every now and then- she cannot resist donning a big blond wig and performs with her be-wigged and spangled friends- to delighted laughing audiences-

Beauty queens, brides, bathing beauties and performers know that big hair can make all the difference-

Big Hair is good for the economy– whole businesses are devoted to hair care. One business made quite a stir in our area, it was called- Glamour Shots. The whole idea was- you got up your nerve, enlisted a friend, made an appointment, showed up- they fixed your hair, then rigged you up in several glamorous outfits – I fell for it…big hair, big teeth and all…take it away James Brown..

 

It took weeks for the proofs to come back-all encased in a leatherette portfolio, and to get that hair settled down! However, I’m with Dolly Parton…if anyone tells me my hair’s too big, I will get rid of them- I certainly don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.  Oh, lordie- to be that young again! Hope you’re laughing your sides off! And please don’t leave me hanging out here alone! Share your big hair moments!

Love y’all, Camellia

p.s. I can’t resist one more…even our statuary has big hair!image

*Most Celebrity Photographs are from AOL images- some celebrities were photographed from old album covers and all others are private photographs.

Pot-bellied Pigs…

Cullman county pig.png

This 200 pound pot-bellied pig was found abandoned in Cullman County.

Well, I’ve got a new hero, Cullman County Animal Control Officer, Dwain Floyd. The headline of an article in the Cullman Times was ‘Alabama county faces an ‘epidemic’ of abandoned pot-bellied pigs’…

‘it is an epidemic around here it seems like…’ Floyd explained.

Epidemic might be an exaggeration, I think there were four in the last few months but..The article explained that pot-bellied pigs outgrow their homes. People can’t resist buying a cute little 20 lb. pig and aren’t prepared when they gain up to 200 pounds and quickly outgrow their pen. Okay, now this worries me. I’m an animal lover. I have never thought about pot-bellied pigs becoming so popular! I know on the show ‘HeeHaw’ years ago- they seemed affectionate with their pigs and on ‘Green Acres’, one of the ‘pets’ was a pig. Who doesn’t love- Wilbur in ‘Charlotte’s Web’ ?? Inform me here- is owning a potbellied pig fashionable these days? I read up about it- there are micro-pigs, teacup pigs, even mini-pigs. Someone said the breeders do what they can to keep them cute and small. One man responded that there isn’t much ‘wiggle room’ on hog breeding.  Listen to Cullman County Animal Control Director Tim McCoy:

“My experience is that people get what seems to be a fun animal for a little while, and (the pigs) start getting bigger and bigger,” Cullman County Animal Control Director Tim McKoy said. “Then they can’t keep them in a small pen anymore, and (homeowners) don’t know what to do with them.”

Over the last four months or so, Cullman County Animal Control has picked up about four abandoned potbellied pigs.  “It is not as unusual as you would think,” McKoy said.

When they get report of a loose pig, McKoy said officers attempt to find the owner. If a livestock animal isn’t claimed, his office has to go to court to seize the animal.

Cullman County Animal Control has a half-acre lot where they can temporarily house an abandoned or abused livestock animal.


.Okay, this is sad to me- but also bizarre. I may have grown up in the city of Birmingham but I married a man from a rural county. I have been to chicken farms, catfish farms, cattle farms, llama farms, horse farms, goat farms -even to an emu farm. A loose Emu caused a big stir in my hometown several months ago when it escaped and was walking calmly on the double yellow line up Highway 231, people were posting reports on it’s whereabouts minute by minute on Facebook and calling 911, traffic was backed up for a couple of miles- someone took a fantastic picture of the Emu ‘walking the line’- finally, they guided the Emu off to the side of the road and caught it- returned it home safely.

Anyway, I feel that I have observed a good many types of farms, yet my experience with pigs is limited to an elderly farmer who was vehemently opposed to a hog farm being installed on a neighboring farm. He took us outside and said ‘Cain’t you smell it?’ When I said I really couldn’t, he made me get in another wind direction- I still couldn’t smell anything too awful, but he said he wouldn’t be able to eat with that smell. I do think I would still be able to eat bacon, maybe not… I also recall one man told me that a hog was a better ‘guard dog’ than an actual dog! Somehow, I think it would be embarrassing to post a ‘Beware of Guard Hog’ sign.

One lady commented on the Cullman Times article by saying that ‘the good thing (about pigs) is that they always poop in the same place.’ – Well, that’s good to know… Now, let me get on with this incredible article-

Here’s Dwain Floyd again: ‘Last month, Floyd responded to a residence.. after a woman found a 100 pound pig in her garage. He said the homeowner tried to find the pig’s owner before calling animal control.’

(That’s One Brave Woman.. okay, say on Dwain..)

“Pigs are mischievous and curious creatures,’ Floyd said. ‘They like to dig. They get out and forage for themselves. It’s hard to believe a pig like this wanders off and no one misses it.’ But that’s what happened no one came forward to claim the female black and white pot-bellied pig. Despite it’s size, Floyd said this house-trained pig still makes a good pet. ‘It followed you around like a dog. It didn’t even squeal when I picked it up.” Floyd laughed though, admitting that picking up the large pig did hurt his back.’

(Hmm…I can’t believe nobody missed it either- sounds like hogwash to me.)

Apparently no court appearance was necessary – lucky for the animal control and the pig, the article stated- a neighbor decided to keep the pig after it made friends with the family’s pet duck. Take it away Dwain-

‘The family has a duck that has been raised from birth as part of the family.’ Floyd said – ‘It goes everywhere with them and loves to be held.’  (Now where does the duck go?) Anyway, this story has a happy ending because ‘another friendship has been formed’ – with the pot-bellied pig which has a happy start with her new family’. To read the whole story- go to Al.com .

Don’t you just love Dwain Floyd and this story? Well I do- it makes me smile. I have to admit I am laughing thinking about coming home and finding a 100 pound pig in my garage! What in the world?? How did she have the presence of mind to go inside and call around to see if she could find out who that pig belonged to? All before calling Dwain Floyd at Animal Control? And y’all…that pig just lives next door….the next time she comes home to find a pig in her garage- it might weigh 200 pounds and have a duck on it’s back!

 Now I have a confession to make- I have followed ‘pig’ stories since Otis was picked up by the police in my hometown- they responded to a call of a ‘pig wandering a neighborhood’. When the officer arrived at the scene, the pig was coming from around a corner. The officer called him (the pig) petted the pig- and put him in the patrol car. ‘The pig was compliant so the officer just put him in the car’.  Now you have to admit that is one cute pig! It turns out the owner had been posting on Facebook that her pig was missing! So this too had a happy ending….

 Otis the Pig
A pot-bellied pig was reunited with his owner Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2016 after a ride in a police car and 24 hours at the Pell City Animal Control Center. (Pell City Animal Control Facebook Page)
Ok, y’all- you have to go take a look at their Facebook page! And if you want to read the whole story- go to Al.com
 Who knows? I might even end up agreeing with Winston Churchill on this one…


 

Just had to have some sweet fun! I mean with all that’s goin’ on in the world…we all can use a little fun from time to time!

Love y’all, Camellia

The Ironman and a Coal Miner’s Daughter…

Vulcan_statue_Birmingham_AL_2008_snow_retouched

Sitting ‘High atop Red Mountain’, Vulcan is the original Ironman- completely designed and forged of cast iron in my hometown of Birmingham Alabama, he is the largest iron ore statue in the world! He was disassembled to be shown at the World’s Fair in St. Louis in 1904 and won a grand prize! When I was a little girl- Vulcan was painted iron ore red- the picture above is the original color, refurbished just a few years ago. I went to Minnie Holman Grammar School and we learned a song about Vulcan:

‘High on mountaintop am I…    I look o’er the valley from on high!…    And what care I, if the stars –  are beating in a fury at my feet?       O-ah..   I look o’er the valley where I stand –   and see a city, grand!

I totally loved singing that song! The first time I recall visiting Vulcan- I was very small and he was very tall! In fact, one of the problems about visiting the Roman God of the Forge was that visitors looked at him from the back-  his bare backside is in full view! My slightly older sister didn’t let that pass her notice- I was holding my mother’s hand, and Sis was dancing around and said-

 ‘Why doesn’t he have any britches on?’ …Silence…clearing of throats…’Hush now, he has them on- they’re just real tight..shh’…Well, I’m here to tell you – that Ironman doesn’t have any britches on and he became known as the ‘Moon over Homewood’- even Wikipedia makes note of that fact and more- go check the article out- it is very interesting – poor ol’ Vulcan. Anyway-I have more to tell you about my hometown than this article can contain, let’s just say, Vulcan represents the powerful Industrialist City that Birmingham once was; full of rich red iron ore deposits which were mined, then forged- right there at his feet- there were thriving steel mills and furnaces. The story goes that after Reconstruction- the land-owning Bourbon Democrats of South Alabama and the wealthy Industrialists of Central and North Alabama joined forces to re-build. By the time Vulcan was forged, Birmingham was a melting pot of another kind- there were Greek, Italian, Asian, Europeans, Freedmen and Yankees! They knew how to capitalize on the natural resources of the Birmingham area. Some of the most beautiful homes in the South are in Birmingham and they aren’t plantation homes- they are estates on the East and to the West, sagging and worn – are homes of the mill and foundry bosses which I believe are making a comeback! But Birmingham also had her working men- ironworkers, steel millers and coal miners- who lived in camps and shanties- poverty really…which brings me to a little coal miner’s daughter…IMG_0560

Born in the year of Our Lord, 1920 on June 6, in the eastern outskirts of Birmingham, my Aunt Iva was the second of four children- two girls and two boys. I am 10% taller than Aunt Iva ever was- that’s not saying much because she was only 4’11” in her stocking feet. She was a coal miner’s daughter, which makes me the granddaughter of a coal miner, who also happened to be a union organizer. Alongside her father, in 1937, at age 17, Iva stood at plant gates and on the streets, collecting dues of $1.00- in a worn cigar box, which held scraps of paper, a small notebook and a pencil.  Aunt Iva was proud of this, too- her portable desk was an overturned apple crate. Now, they did this before the steel industry recognized the union.image

Industrialist Birmingham, late 1800’s and early 1900’s must have been an exciting place-where coal fields and mines, ironworks and steel mills were basically what we  would call ‘start-ups’ today. Growing up in the shadow of Vulcan, Iva had a choice- to become a steel magnolia or tough as pig iron– she chose to become a little of both. She was the ‘original’ career woman on that side of our family. She married a man of the steel mills, never had children of her own- the steel workers and coal miners were her ‘boys’. It was downright scandalous, to marry a divorced man and be working woman among the toughest of tough men. Perhaps she never had children, because her parents died when she was so young leaving her to see about the family and her older sister died in childbirth. One of her brothers was a POW in World War II- life was not easy- but my tiny Aunt Iva had the grit of coal dust in her eyes, iron ore in her veins and a spine of steel.image

We never knew our grandparents on that side- but we do know a little about them-Emma was a ‘Gibson Girl’ who was a postmistress for a time; William, a coal miner and union organizer all over the southeast. They both died young- William at age 40, Emma about 6 years later of ‘female troubles’- probably cancer.

I’ve been told stories from descendants of coal miners who lived in camps beside the coal train rails- just to wash clothes defined the word ‘chore‘. One man told me that he was assigned the job of sitting outside near the clothesline- when he would yell out- ‘Coal Train!!’- everyone would come running out of the house to grab the clean clothes- so the soot from the coal wouldn’t get the clothes dirty all over again!  By the time Iva was 10 years old, the United States was in a deep Depression- she laughed and said that she didn’t realize how poor they were until about 10 years after that!  Coal mining, ironworks and steel milling was hard dangerous work. Just a few years ago- I met an elegant elderly lady whose father had died when a molten vat of steel poured over him because his  foundry rail cart stalled out on the track below the vat. This lady told me that if it had not been for the steelworker’s union, her family would not survived, financially or otherwise.

When the union was finally recognized in 1940, Aunt Iva’s name was listed as a dues paying member- she had attended the very first continental convention as a delegate to form the United Steelworkers Union and attended every single convention until the 1990’s when she was in her 70’s! Her accomplishments are astounding- but hey, she was my aunt. I didn’t know all she was doing, really until after she died- that she was a very influential political activist- I knew she argued my daddy down with politics; it usually got loud…we had to go outside with our cousins and played ‘Swing the Statue’ – though it was more like ‘Sling the Statue’ on Aunt Iva’s front yard and my sweet Uncle Roland was the peacemaker. He was amazing in his own right- a foreman on the third shift at the robust U.S. Steel- he could cook like a man on fire…or put up the best blackberry jam I’ve ever tasted!  And he loved my aunt-she ‘tickled him’-another way of saying, she made him laugh-he adored her and was very proud of her work- and Uncle Roland loved us…they gave us our first bicycles, they took us to the Alabama Theater with it’s ‘Mighty Wurlitzer’ organ, they took us to eat Chinese food at Joy Young’s with tiny umbrellas in our iced tea and fortune cookies! When they travelled she added silver charms to our charm bracelets. She was an irritating but persistent photographer! She was one of my ‘southern mothers’, who influenced me in ways no other did. Uncle Roland died in 1971, she was devastated but Aunt Iva continued to work- maybe doing some of her best work for almost 30 years as a widow. She kept meticulous journals which recorded the journey of the working men and women of her era -students and doctoral candidates from all over the nation- sought out Iva Goodwin for help with their dissertations on various Labor Topics, her wisdom and information were an  invaluable resource. Perhaps my love of writing came from her! I love to travel, my Aunt Iva was always an avid traveler- two trips I remember well- she went to Pearl Harbor and took a list of her ‘boys’ who had died there; and she went to Washington DC to see her nephew’s name inscribed on the Vietnam War memorial. Until she was 78 years old, she continued to work daily in her office at the Steelworkers Union. When she died in 2001, hundreds of honorary pall bearers- big strapping union men, cried- they were her boys after all.

Today, June 6, is her birthday, I was thinking about her…just wanted to tell you about this spunky, tough little lady who also happened to be a coal miner’s daughter, a steel magnolia and my aunt. A life well lived, Iva Elaine Goodwin, may you rest in peace.

Love, y’all, Camellia

*photo of Vulcan

History and Resources of Working Men and Women in Alabama – multiple sources from Amazon Affiliate link

Birmingham’s Statue of Vulcan  all resources from Amazon Affiliate link

Windmill Cookies…


imageThese cookies should carry a warning from the distributor-‘Buy at your own risk’ or ‘Caution: We are not responsible for any unforeseen consequences resulting from the purchase of this product’ or ‘Has been known to cause the Don Quixote syndrome- Tilting at Windmills’.

I have not purchased these cookies in over 5 years, due to events that occurred during the purchase of Windmill Cookies at my local grocery store, until…last week. I was looking for a ‘plain cookie’- I had seen some peaches in the produce department; I recalled eating peaches with windmill cookies when I was a child. As I reached for some shortbread cookies, I saw the Windmill Cookies…my left eyebrow twitched- this should have been my warning sign- but I was distracted by a little girl who had her doll in a buggy near me-

She was softly singing…‘Twankle, twankle little star…’

A slight twinge of electricity shot up my right ankle as I put the offending cookies into my buggy- you know, you’re supposed to listen to the whispers in your life… I headed to the checkout- I saw an abandoned buggy with two cases of canned cat food, I paused, no one claimed it-  I edged ahead of the buggy- ignoring the twitching left eyebrow and the annoying electrical current running up and down my leg. Confidently I moved into the lane. I began the unloading process, when I heard a gruff voice say-

‘You went ahead of me!’

A man in a crimson shirt emblazoned with ‘Alabama’ glared at me.

‘Oh sir, I’m so sorry, you’ve only got a few things come on ahead of me’.

‘No, go on..’

‘Oh no, you were here first and besides we’re on the same team’…

He didn’t argue, muscled himself ahead of me and I thanked him. I continued to unload my buggy, when I looked up- his hairy fist was right in front of my nose!image

‘I bet you’ve never seen one of these’ .

A whole lot of twitching was going on by now…‘Well, no-sir, I haven’t.’ It was a 1961 National Championship ring for the University of Alabama!

‘I was the captain of that team.’ 

Well, I liked to have died right on the spot.  He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his billfold- not to pay the patient checker- but to show me his picture with Bear Bryant! Lord have mercy!

‘Well, now isn’t that something’…the checker looked like she was holding me personally responsible for holding up the line! I tried, I truly did- to wind up the conversation- but he went on and on and on, play by play… finally, the checker cleared her throat real loud. I thought he might pull a fist on her, but he didn’t – just paid her like a lamb, and kept talking…the checker turned on the conveyor system for my groceries. I stepped up my game-‘Sir, it is truly an honor to meet you’– pumping his hairy hand up and down-

‘Now, let me take your picture and a picture of that ring!’ He complied- the checker was snickering by now… I thanked the Captain of the 1961 National Championship for his ‘service to our school’– though I felt as if I was the veteran here…

Twitching and tingling -I spied the offender- under my breath, I said, ‘it’s happened again, those Windmill Cookies!’

The checker said: ‘What’d you say darlin’?’

‘Oh it’s nothing really…it’s just the last time I bought those Windmill Cookies…’

I told the story. The checker didn’t thank me for ‘my service to our school’ – oh no, she thanked me for making her laugh! And I would like to make it perfectly clear that I did not blame that precious little girl singing ‘Twankle, twankle little star…’

Now it’s your turn to say- What happened the last time you bought those Windmill Cookies? Well..I found the record of it and I will report it to you just as it was written- Sept. 19, 2011 –

I went to the same grocery store, I bought some plain cookies- I usually get graham crackers or vanilla wafers- but this time I bought those Windmill cookies. I was checking out, had bought nothing out of the ordinary; beeps and whistles began to go off from the terminal. The bag boy asked the checker what she had done wrong- ‘I don’t know- it’s telling me to ask for her ID’.

Still beep beep beeping…Checker is calling the manager…checker is nose to terminal taking a closer look…beep beeping…so, I might add- are the other shoppers- all of them zeroed in to the screaming beeping Aisle 2!

I cleared my throat and said ‘Ma’am, there is not an ounce of alcohol in this pile of groceries!’

‘I know ma’am, but when I scan these cookies- it’s telling me to check your ID’. She crossed her arms. Beep beep beep..

‘Really?’ I squeaked- my left eyebrow twitched and a zing of electricity went up my right ankle. I nervously looked around for a hidden camera. In the meantime, the bag boy- turned comedian- pulled the pack of Windmill Cookies close to his face-

‘Wow these must be some strong cookies! I wonder if there’s a warning on the label’.

Beep- beep-beep! With red cheeks I started in…inappropriate laughter for the absurd situation I was in- ‘It probably says- don’t operate heavy machinery while consuming these cookies’.

Beeping – laughing- beeping, more laughing…The checker joined in...’I guess you can only have two of those cookies per day’…

Bag Boy : ‘Friends don’t let friends eat Windmill Cookies and drive!’

I said: ‘If they stop you, they’re going to test to see if you have Windmill Cookie Breath’.

Laughs all around, among the three of us- the rest of the store was sick  of all the noise and beeping! I mean -the  situation could not- apparently, be improved- just go with it, right? The manager hustled over- the offending Windmill Cookies were rung up again- more beeps, more insisting on getting the ID- I assured the manager I was happy to give her my ID – being of a certain age and all…however, I assured her that there was no alcohol of any kind in my load of groceries! Now, why did I do that? At this point there was no saving of my reputation! The manager ignored me, to the checker she said-

‘What did you do? Hit the beer and wine key when you scanned these cookies? Why would you do that?’ She hit a key- the beeping finally stopped.

Dead silence, the offending cookies were bagged. I might add- the woman behind me never cracked a smile during my entire ordeal. After supper that night- I slung those Windmill Cookies on the table and said,

‘Eat these at your own risk!’.


*Tilting at Windmills: Attacking imaginary enemies; confrontations where adversaries are incorrectly perceived; vain efforts against adversaries real or imagined.


‘When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies?’      Don Quixote


‘Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds’.          Don Quixote


‘I do not deny what happened…is a thing worth laughing at.’  Don Quixote


Well, I hope y’all laughed your sides off!  We sure got a laugh out of it! And what about that crazy Don Quixote, he might have been buying Windmill Cookies! Y’all be careful and have a great weekend!

Love y’all, Camelliaimage