Southern Funeral Series Part 1 Funeral Flowers or Floral Foibles?
As soon as the faintest whisper goes out into the community, that a loved one has passed- there is usually a group of ladies who will spring into action. It might be the local garden club, master gardeners, the altar guild or church ladies who gladly serve as marauders or advisors. The marauders scour neighborhoods for flowers and fillers. A word about the Advisors. Please don’t think that word ‘advisor’ is taken lightly. She’s knows what’s Tacky or Tasteful, doesn’t hesitate to let folks know and has given the last word, more times than anyone can count!
Here’s the thing: For any major event in small towns or communities- There are Rules. There are Strong Suggestions and there are folks who definitely aren’t apprised of the Rules or.. well, I hate to say it- either have no taste or aren’t from here. I’m here to let you in on the rules, so you can avoid as many Floral Foibles as possible, with a tip on how to deal with the offensive, if it happens. What you need to know is:
Southern Grief is often expressed with Flowers, especially those meant for the viewing room at the funeral home. In many ways, the size of the arrangements, the floral choices are the Ultimate Expression of Love for the deceased. *Let’s be honest here, sometimes it’s just who wants to get noticed, or feels the most obligated! *Tip: the square footage of the funeral parlor should be taken into account- though it rarely is. Local Florists in small towns can easily be overwhelmed with orders and will gladly accept and work with, the marauders– the Yard and Roadside Flowers, as the Master Gardeners and Garden Club members mobilize almost immediately. Still.
Here’s the first Rule:
The Floral Blanket for the Casket, should Only be Decided by the immediate family. And, these should follow the religious guidelines. Some faiths say that ‘All White’ is Liturgically Correct.
My Mimi was a florist, she wasn’t exactly rigid, though I wouldn’t override her opinions on such delicate matters as the Funeral Flowers or Floral Foibles. Let’s keep the service as respectable as possible or the whole town will be talking about it for years! The Piney Grove Gasette may even include it in the Gossip Column! You definitely don’t want the mourners to be whispering gossip, behind their church fans!
Soo..perhaps, it’s best to start with the Don’t’s:
No oversized Chrysanthemums. If it’s big enough for a Homecoming Dance, with a pipe cleaner monogram, masses of ribbons in school colors attached? Let’s give those a hard pass.
No Gladioli. They’re too spiky and too high and mighty, not to mention- impersonal. Love those on your own time.
No ‘Hot’ colors, for anything- especially those dyed to match Carnations in neon colors. Add to that – No Tropical..anything. It’s just not fitting for such a solemn occasion. Hot or Loud Colors could literally wake the dead.
And leave off the Glitter and Sparkles, Spray Paint or that Cheap Ribbon which always makes a crunchy sound.
While I’m at it- Do Not have Glittered Names or RIP on that Cheap Ribbon. Honestly, is there No Taste left among us?
Stay away from Styrofoam forms of Anything. Guitars, Horseshoes, Anchors come to mind. Those might be sentimental to some , yet, can absolutely ruin the solemn effect we are trying to create here.
*A word here: Let’s leave off the SEC anything. Helmets, Big School Letters, Footballs. Why? the Deceased may have been the world’s biggest fan, but the visitors’ views may differ, and why get an argument started? It completely ruins the dignified occasion.
Finally: No plastic or silk floral displays. Those might be acceptable for the final resting place, but really? We all know, those are going to fade in the heat and humidity of the South. I say, finally with tongue in cheek. Nothin’ is Evah the Final Word here, see below, if you don’t believe me.
I need to insert a Word here: Be careful with highly scented anything. Those loud Lilies and Climbing Jasmine, suffocating. Gardenias can be overdone. The Scents. Here’s rare tip- the Scents should depend on the square footage of the viewing room, it rarely is. Our Southern Mothers, talk about the Loud Scents for Years.
*Folks should be crying over a loved one’s passing, NOT because their sinuses have been overwhelmed! I would suggest you print this whole list out. It’s easy to forget things, when someone dear has left us, as in dearly departed.
I think we are ready for the Do’s of Funeral Flowers: You may recall that the Garden Clubs, even Master Gardeners fan out like a military operation of marauders to collect Yard Flowers, even Roadside Floral Treasures. *We will make note, if there are some exceptions made for the Dearly Departed if appropriate.
Let’s talk about the most prevalent funeral flower- Roses. Yes, the florists will have Roses, however, the Garden brigades will scour for Old, Antique or Heirloom Roses. The most highly prized are Soft, Muted Colors, these will blend well with carefully chosen Florist Roses.
Larkspur and Delphiniums are wonderful-tall, stately. (If you need some height- use these, instead of those tacky glads.)
Yard Flowers are wonderful- for instance, Camellia is the South’s Winter Rose. *remember, the foliage of Camellia is evergreen, as is the foliage of Gardenias. *don’t forget to go easy with the gardenia blooms, they can get loud. Evergreen is the emotion we are going for here. You know, Evergreen, just speaks softly to eternal life.
There are wonderful seasonal flowers- Calla Lilies, Peonies, Tulips and Daffodils. Hyacinths, maybe– the scent of hyacinths can get loud in a small funeral parlor.
What the Master Gardeners excel at, is with the Fillers and the Roadside gatherings. We are talking Queen Anne’s Lace, Ivy, Flowering Branches, Muscadine Vines woven in, Hypericum Berries, Southern Beauty Berries. A little bit of jasmine vine can be woven in, again with discretion for the heavy scent.
Then, there are Herbs. Thyme, Mint and Lavender– be careful with that Rosemary- you wouldn’t want folks thinking of Roast Chicken, while they’re standing in the viewing line! For heaven’s sake!
I’m gonna add a bit for the menfolks here:
Magnolia Leaves are wonderful, they are large, evergreen and the brown undersides give a masculine touch to Funeral Flowers. The flowers could be used, though, don’t forget how large they are! Big ol’ Magnolia Blooms can veer over into Tacky quickly, just a word of warning.
Also, the Roadside Selection Committee has said that, ‘If you’re careful, you could take some heavy clippers and find some Common Thistle, especially nice if Bagpipes will be played, and are blessed with a family plaid.’ All of these suggestions will be welcomed, with slight variations for the menfolks. *Let’s add wild muscadine vines, if available. Not that big fat kind, just the thinner, lightly curled vines.
Let’s return to the unavoidable- Floral Foibles. It’s bound to happen, someone won’t get the memo- they will send a highly glittered floral display wrapped in neon purple net. Or, the inevitable Styrofoam Forms will appear, a horseshoe, a even SEC helmet, an electric guitar shape in loud colors or metallic painted horseshoe. The highly glittered, and Tacky ribbon that’s wide enough for the local realtor’s Open House, even the ‘glowing neon from chemicals’ Carnations wrapped with cellophane- will inevitably Arrive. *I am literally getting a little Shiver of Angst here, not quite a sinking spell, but close.
I settle down when, I realize that: The Altar Guild, the Garden Club President or someone with an imposing title or statuary height and weight- will take over.
They will discreetly push these floral offenses all the way to the back to hug the baseboards of the Piney Grove Funeral Home and Mortuary, the Floral Foibles will never see the light of day. We simply cannot allow these offenses to settle upon the living or the deceased.
The nicest folks will glance at the Floral Foibles-Sigh and say, ‘Well, it’s Interesting.. if you like that sort of thing.’ IF being the operative word.
Funeral Flowers or Floral Foibles? There’s a fine line between Tacky or Tasteful. Please remember this- The Southern Mothers are watching.
They see it in Graveyard Maintenance. Pristine, Dignified – Appropriately Adorned. Approved. Graves that are Overly decorated with Plastic, Styrofoam, Faded Silks and Twinkling Lights or Glaring Sequins- can send the wrong signals and have a whole community gossiping about it for decades! We wouldn’t want that sort of Disapproval would we?
Oh my, like all Southern Rules, these are So Helpful. Again, you may want to print it out for future reference! Keywords to remember- Loud Scents, Tacky, Styrofoam, Glittered Anything, Wide Ribbon with glittered lettering and Square Footage of the Funeral Parlor. Oh me.
Next up in the Southern Funeral Series is Funeral Food. Surely that one will be softer, sweeter, more savory! Who knows, when the Southern Mothers are watching! *be sure to read the special message below!
Love y’all, Brenda aka Camellia
Camellia’s Cottage has been coming to your inbox for 10 Years! Thank you for being here. After all this time-
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Resilience. The struggle to survive. I’ve learned more about the struggles of life in a garden than almost anywhere else. Observing plants teaches me about the will to live in the most unlikely places. Plants teach us about adaptation, self confidence and seizing opportunities where we can find them. What might have worked before, doesn’t always show up. The support you always had, isn’t there, the truth may be, they’re struggling too. That’s a chance to follow survival instincts. Plants know this.
Some seek Light to grow and bloom. Others flourish in dappled and damp shade and manage to be Pretty in the process. Some simply find a way. Often in the worst of conditions, a plant will sprout leaf and bloom- up through an iron railing, a cracked sidewalk or graveled garden path; a fallen log, a scorching sandy beach- even the mighty oak learns to soar above the forest floor.
Exuberance, enthusiasm, even enjoyment of living is right underfoot. Being forced in a jar or peeking through a picket fence. Or drawing life out of itself like those sweet muscari bulbs, why? Because sometimes- you just have to draw strength from within yourself- right? It’s that inexplicable urge to survive, maybe a zest for living- a joy just to be alive… spoken without words. Look close and you’ll hear these things and more.
No matter how small, it seems to me, there’s not just a the will to live despite circumstances or even survival techniques… there’s some inner workings I don’t quite understand. I only know these little survivors speak to me of purposeful filled living. Add in the will to live.
A fern sprout, a cluster of mushrooms, tiny bulbs in a jar- a dandelion or two. Wood violets, beach flowers, a crazy Iris craning her neck through a picket fence turning her face to the sun.
Even a leafy weed and most springing up from a rocky place- oh yes… they teach me so many lessons and more…
Resilience is what keeps us going. Finding light or enlightenment. Absorbing moisture, putting down deeper roots or pulling from your inner strength. A willingness to grow. Nature is where we find beauty, strength, nourishment and salve. After the year we’ve had, I hope your Resilience has shown up. Here’s to a zest for living, getting going and growing again!
Seasonal Wreaths…circles, imperfect, yes! Shapes and form are basic and elemental. And often set the stage in good design. Wreaths add personality, even create or convey meaning and mood. I enjoy making wreaths, especially with natural materials I’ve collected or grown myself. Since we grow a type of grapes called muscadines- my wreaths usually start with a grapevine base. I’ve been known to wind up muscadine vines, leaves and all- left plain? I enjoy it just like that!
I’ve used pale green hydrangeas grown here- I’ll admit those were my pride and joy the first year they bloomed. I love the cotton wreath because the cotton came from a special garden established to honor Alabama native George Washington Carver. A former slave who taught farmers how to enrich soil depleted by cotton growth by alternating growing peanuts! And, yes he’s probably the Father of Peanut Butter and more! For sure, he was a pioneer in adding nitrogen back to poor soil. And his work was done at the famous Tuskegee Institute in part funded by Henry Ford himself.
Blue is the most beloved color around the world. The color of loyalty, honor, order, calm and healing- Blue is the color of the sea and sky. Classic Blue inspires trust, respect and invokes responsibility. Blue was named the Color of the Year 2020 by ™Pantone- the leader in predicting color for fashion and home decor. If you’re wondering how to spruce up your wardrobe, your home even your online catalogs- look no further than the Color Institute for inspiration. For fall and winter, the blues are darker and classic. Even the green of this season’s color story has a hint of blue. The whole year has had several shades of Blue. Take a look at your catalogs- chances are you’ll find a hue for you!
Indigo is grown on almost every continent in the world. Here in the USA, you may be surprised to learn that the most successful grower and producer of dye was a young girl named Eliza Lucas Pinckney of South Carolina. Educated in London, her favorite subject was Botany. Eliza’s father, a British soldier based on the island of Antiqua, had brought his sickly wife and their two young daughters to the colonies believing the climate would be better suited to his wife. He was dispatched back to Antiqua, leaving 14 year old Eliza in charge of the family estate. He sent indigo seeds from Antiqua to Eliza to experiment with growing. After three years of experiments- the 17 year old had perfected, not only growing indigo- she was producing dye cakes. There was a great demand for the dye in England for military uniforms. During the course of her production in years to come- it has been said that the Emperor of China preferred the color of Eliza’s dye above all others, for it’s unique luminous color.
Eliza also revived the culture of silkworms, indeed her signature look was a Blue Silk Dress. Tens of thousands of pounds were produced by her estate. She married young, had two sons and her husband died while Eliza was still considered a young woman. At this point, Eliza was running her father’s estate and her husband’s as well. She had become a patriot. One of her sons signed the Declaration of Independence, the other became a Diplomat. Upon Eliza’s death at age 71, in 1793, George Washington, at his request, served in Eliza Lucas Pinkney’s funeral as pall bearer.
Indigo dyed fabric, the robes of Kings, became widely used in the States, as the common dye of Denim- the fabric of farmers, pioneers, working folks and of course for uniforms and business attire. Indigo is no longer widely grown in the US, yet in recent years, a revival of sorts, to make and use natural plant based dyes has occurred, among them is small batches of safely harvested indigo. Though, India produces what has almost always been considered the finest.
Growth, we all want it. Whether it’s in our gardens, our knowledge, wisdom, in our businesses or our bank accounts. Maybe you want to grow your circle of friends, your following on your blog or social media sites. We feel better when we are growing in all of the good ways. So how can we do it? And just how much growth would it take for you to feel good about it all?
Camellia's Cottage 