October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. A Candlelight Vigil was held in my hometown on October 11, near beautiful Logan Martin Lake, at the serene Chapel in the Pines. Another Candlelight Vigil was held at Birmingham’s historic Linn Park on October 18. Both Candlelight Vigils not only heightened awareness, but honored those who have lost their lives through Domestic Violence. YWCA of Central Alabama sponsored both of these emotional events. It is difficult to believe that in 2015- 32 victims were killed, 267 were raped and 3500 were assaulted by someone who had said, ‘I love you’, right here in Alabama. Those are just the ones that were reported, many more assaults have surely gone unreported. The toll this type of violence takes on homes, children and communities is enormous. I am very honored to serve on a steering committee which serves women and children right here in my hometown. 
The Warning Signs which can lead to Domestic Violence are important to recognize so that lives may be spared.
- Verbal and Emotional Abuse– Public and private language intended to demean, humiliate, embarrass and damage the self esteem of the victim. Name calling, shameful nicknames, mind games, coarse references about the image of the victim. Displays or gestures of disgust which result in a loss of confidence. Abusers are overly sensitive to criticism and may react with verbal attacks An abuser may challenge the mental state of the victim, often with accusations of mental illness.
- Intimidation– Actions by the abuser instill Fear. Loud coarse language, controlling with the eyes or hand gestures, abusing household pets or animals, breaking the victim’s possessions, reckless behavior, uncontrollable rage and even open display of weapons near the victim. Abusers know how to hurt a victim privately, bruising where it doesn’t show.
- Isolation– The abuser seeks to control who his victim talks to, screens television and reading materials. An abuser finds ways to restrict his victim’s movements, often insisting on being with her. Controls where the victim goes, may even restrict the use of vehicles and any forms of communication such as cell phones or social media. The abuser insists on exclusiveness with the victim, restricting friendships and relationships with family. An abuser controls his victim – always using jealousy to justify any abusive activity.
- Economic Abuse– The victim is prevented from any form of economic independence such as getting a job, he makes the victim ask for money- closely controls family funds so the victim believes escape is impossible. Among other obvious problems, economic abuse undermines confidence and creates hopelessness. An abuser also may withhold gifts or lavish gifts to justify his actions.
- Extreme Jealousy– constantly asking where the victim has been, checking cellphones and social media- actively checking for any sign of cheating, being suspicious if the victim has informed others of the abuse.
- Blaming Others – commonly saying ‘It’s your fault’, ‘You shouldn’t have provoked me’, ‘You made me hit you, do this’ etc.
- Using Manipulation or Threats– Using position or power to intimidate the victim, controls the victim by repeatedly threatening to leave, telling her that she is an unfit mother or saying that no one will ever believe her. The abuser threatens to commit suicide and worse threatens to kill the victim or the children.
This is just a sampling of the warning signs that can escalate violence in the homes. This is a dark subject- one I wish we would never have to discuss, however the number of lives lost so far in 2016, more than double that of 2015. ‘YWCA is On a Mission to Save Lives’. I am proud to be a small part of this mission. I would encourage you to visit the YWCA Central Alabama website for more information. 
I would also direct you to a wonderful blog- by a beautiful young mother and so much more- Amanda@overcomeabuse , who bravely shares her struggle with abuse and is one of my blogging heroes! Amanda keep inspiring us all!
Please, if you recognize any of the warning signs– make sure you know the location and number of a Certified Shelter or Crisis Hotline in your area. Just these two things can help save your life or the lives of others. Keep these numbers handy in case you run across someone you feel may need these services.
I am indebted to Communications Director, YWCA Central Alabama, Scottie Vickery for the wonderful photographs of our local event, for the information gleaned from the YWCA e-newsletter this month, and to so many others who are working tirelessly everyday to make this world a safer place to live and re-build lives. Remember, a House is not a Home unless everyone in it feels safe. Let us never get weary of doing all we can to help.
Love y’all, Camellia
It is a Time to Mourn when hearts are broken. In the last few weeks, folks we love have died, Hurricanes have taken the lives of those on our American soil and hundreds have died in Haiti. It is a Time to Mourn. A Candlelight Vigil was held in our county to honor those who lost their lives at the hands of someone who had said ‘I love you’ but whose anger went unchecked in domestic abuse and violence. It is a Time to Mourn. Two notable Alabamians, our friend Lucy Baxley, former Lieutenant Governor of Alabama and Mary Jo McMichael, the friend of Fanny Flagg- Mary Jo fried green tomatoes for decades at the Irondale Café. It is a Time to Mourn as wise King Solomon told us in Ecclesiastes 3:4. It seemed appropriate to show respect and honor for these who have left us- with the beautiful hymn, ‘Nearer My God to Thee’- performed by Andre Rieu’s amazing musicians. Please pay particular attention to how the musicians surround the audience. If you have lost a loved one recently, we honor your loss and mourn with you. We pray that you are surrounded by the loving Presence of God. Love y’all, Camellia
In the South, Fall is usually the shortest season of the year. Summer starts cheerfully in May, then trudges until the end of October. The new magazines are Showoffs with Fat Pumpkins, artful pictures of Fall Fashion, even Autumn inspired Apple and Pumpkin Pies- to be honest, I never say Autumn and I’d take a Sweet Potato Pie over Pumpkin any day! The magazines show Fall Home Décor and stunning photographs of Fall Foliage- it just galls me, here we sit sweltering in the heat! That glow Southern women are known for comes from the heat and humidity that stays with us almost all year round…By Fall? We pine for, we long for cool crisp air- we would dearly love to put on fall fashions, except you cannot go outside – you must be inside under the air conditioner to wear your cute sweater set and boots. The Weather Channel gets a huge Southern audience in the Fall for Hurricanes, First Frost Dates or Scorching Temperatures in the high 80’s. Folks just start runnin’ for the hills. Honestly a Fall like this one is enough to make you willing to give up Iced Tea for one cool breeze! At SEC football games, it has been so hot the players had to have IV’s for dehydration! Alabama often has stunning Fall Color- that means the leaves have turned pretty colors, just not here, this year. This Fall is one of those curl up and die years; giving us the sense that the yard is saying –‘Ok, ya’ll, I give up, I’ve had it with this heat, I’m taking a nap.’ I got up my courage, and decided in the last few days to root around and see what I could find in the Yard and the store that said- Fall.
Camellia’s Cottage cannot aspire to the high level of Chanel™ in this humble dwelling, however we could use some of her sensibility even in our own scheme. The look is crisp and clean, the neutrals add warmth and calm. Let me show you some of what we did:
Camellia's Cottage 