We’ve been travelling! On road trips, I amuse myself by looking out the window and commenting on the sights. My husband adjusts the radio depending on what he wants to hear of my commentary. This  road trip, back home from Orange Beach, I asked him to turn up the radio volume on a Swap Shop broadcast. The reception wasn’t that great- but the enthusiasm of the female broadcaster made up for it. Rural radio stations have been known to be attached to a private home- As far as I know she could have been in her slippers with curlers in her hair- broadcasting live…

‘Well, Good Morning everybody, Bennie and I are broadcasting from Atmore, Alabama! It sure has been a downpour this morning, hope you’re stayin’ dry -take an umbrella with you if you get out in this! Ok, let’s get started – first we’d like to thank EZ Pay Auto, Kut Above Hair Center and Three Brothers’ Arms- Gun Shop & Pawn for makin’ it possible to air Atmore Swap Shop!

First, we’ve got a few announcements for you- Brother Pat sure did do a good job on that sermon- ‘Don’t Condone What God Condemns’ last Sunday, he called and asked us to thank his deacons and the men of his church for removing that Fortune Tellin’ Gypsy Booth by the side of the road near the church. I saw it not too long ago, that Gypsy had an ol’ stringy black wig and a purple turban on her head,  the glass was broke out of the sides, the booth was wore out and the 10 cent sign was faded… nothin’ but a snake pit, I tell you what! Brother Pat said one of the men brought a machete to cut back some of the kudzu that was thick as thieves! They got the gypsy loaded up and took her to the dump. It sure was sendin’ the wrong kind of message… ‘took  the better part of the afternoon but those fellas aren’t gonna condone that mess – can I get a witness? You bet.

Moving on here, a short report on the two fishermen that won an astoundin’ six fishin’ tournaments, up in North Alabama! Don’t sell our ‘boys in blue’ short here- they been fishin’ all their lives- Six big wins raised suspicions with the Law. After some serious investigation it was ‘de-termined’ that those bad boys were taking  big ol’ fish on board with ’em and then using those self same fish to weigh in! Just in time to win all six, six mind you! fishin’ tournaments! Bennie said he heard the men in question were gonna be banned for life from tournament fishing, have to return the trophies and prize money- and their fishing licenses are being revoked. It’s good enough for them.

And one more thing, before these phones start lightin’ up- Tomorrow morning startin’ bright and early- there’s gonna be a huge, ‘Mul-Ti’ family yard sale over at the stockyard to benefit families of the prisoners up at Atmore Prison, so y’all be sure and run up there and help those folks out, it’s the right thing to do. (paper shuffle)

Bennie has just handed me one more announcement-let’s see- it says… Wind Creek Casino’s got an all new menu for their buffet starting this Sunday. Umhm, now you folks know we ‘don’t condone what God condemns’- but we’ve heard the buffet is no where near the rest of the shenanigans goin’ on in the rest of that place. Alrighty…Bennie, darlin’ thank you for answerin’ the phones while I’ve been making these announcements- let’s get started:

Swap Shop- you’re on the air! Bennie, the phone’s not working, honey! OK..

• We’ve got a lady down near Loxley, lookin for a dog housee and chain link dog pen for a beagle. She needs these as soon as possible.
• We have a fella over near the Grace Garland exit who has a 7×18′ car hauler for sale, will consider any serious offer.
• Over by the Deer Processing Plant – they’re selling new potatoes just dug, green peppers, corn- they’ll shuck it for you- yellow crookneck squash, cabbage and turnip greens- and ‘we catch, you carry’ shrimp caught in the bay this mornin’ – and…it says here, look for the black pickup in that wide spot in the road over there.
• We’ve got a fella who’s lookin’ for 2 rims for a ’90 Mustang.
• Free Firewood folks! Pecan wood, use it for smokin’ grillin’, bonfire, soakers, you name it. The wood is cut and on the ground, just come get it and haul it off.
• Now, here’s a deal for you- a Massey Furgeson Tractor with front end loader, hay spear and hay forks for $7000
• Somebody over past the prison has black and tan puppies, a large wooden swing set and 12 acres of land for sale- best offer for all or separate.
• A lady’s looking for a couch and loveseat and possibly some matching end tables.
• Somebody is in serious need of tractor tires, will take 1 or 2, tractor tires- y’all.
• If you have a pecan cracker or butterbean sheller for sale- we’ve got a number here for you call-
• Ok! We’ve got 3 bathroom cabinets with a marble top, used- for sale $300

Wait a minute, Bennie darlin’ can you clear this up for me? Is this an organ and a piano or a combo? Ok, while he’s checkin’ on that…

• The caller said he has an organ and piano or it could be an organ/piano combo for sale and he.. is.. also.. lookin’ for yards to cut!
• A- like new- Ninja motorcycle for sale, also, a size 13- all leather pair of men’s Harley Davidson boots, worn only a time or two for $35 and a brand new ‘in the box’ size 12 and a half, men’s all leather Brahma Steel Toe boots for $20
• Over near Sardine Creek, they’ve got tomatoes, cucumbers, watermelons, worms and crickets for your fishin’ pleasure, honey, homemade jellies and jams and yard eggs for sale- will be there all day today, except from 2:30 to 5 when they have to do a school bus run, but all day, rain or shine on Saturday!
• The big flea market down in Bay Minette has let us know, they have fresh produce as well as a wide selection cowhides and sheepskins and all kinds of merchandise new and used.
• And last but not least, Bennie said to tell y’all that we have yard eggs too, duck and chicken- and baby chicks and baby ducks also, yes that’s right- here at the station.

What’s that Bennie? You’re gonna be the death of me! He just said to tell y’all that he’s got at least two boxes of chicks and two boxes of Quackers!! Lord, what am I gonna do with that man?

Now listen, I won’t be here Monday mornin’ – have to go over to my favorite beauty parlor, ‘Hairs 2 Ya’ and then take Momma to have her partial plate adjusted at the new place right next door- ‘U Save Denistry’- so!  Bennie said he’d be here- but I’m gonna remind him of it- ’cause he’s like me, if it happened yesterday he’s done forgot it. So, y’all stay out of the rain…if you’re headed to the beach – watch out for that undertow and for heaven’s sake don’t get sand in the car!

I laughed all the way up to Bates House of Turkey and Priester’s Pecans over that Atmore Swap Shop! Crickets and Worms for your fishin’ pleasure? Box of Quackers…? In the meantime, we’re excited because the Skeeter Girls from Orkin sprayed today so we can get outside and do some yard work!

Have a great day… Love y’all Camellia