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Instinct or Fitness…

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I’m just going to admit it- I’m uncoordinated. I will never be good at sports or exercising. Never have been, do not aspire to it.  First of all, going to a gym without at least some color on my face- blush or lipstick -would be sort of horrifying for me. I would hate to inflict that on anyone. I no longer buy swimsuits. I still call them bathing suits-I do not wear bathing suits so as not to inflict my aging body on the general public.  I can wear a cute cover up and have a fine old time. IMG_1398

The last time I tried exercising in a group publically was in an aerobics class at my church at least 30 years ago- it was a disaster– no really, I am not kidding. The building had indoor/outdoor carpeting. I  had on a cute new outfit with socks and tennis shoes. I stood on the back row of a class of 30 women, just in case. I could not get the steps right, I could not shift several steps to the right and hop, flailing my arms around in the air at the same time. I hopped-scooted over…my tennis shoe caught on the indoor outdoor carpet– I stumbled backwards, trying not to hurt anyone or break their rhythm and ended up flinging myself into a whole wall of metal folding chairs. It was not pretty, it was loud with all of those chairs falling like steel dominoes. The acoustics in that room are pretty good… let’s just say this was not a joyful noise unto the Lord.women exercising dailymail.uk

I have tried to explain being uncoordinated for years- especially when folks tell me about steps and swings and all manner of fitness routines. I cannot risk it.  I’m not proud of this.  I have tried walking on a tread mill more than once and more than once have managed to trip and skid off, machine still rolling.women on treadmills vintage

My husband, a person of considerable athletic skill, has known and accepted my uncoordinated style; since as newlyweds he let me go with him on a run…when we got back he said-

  • ‘How ’bout letting me run by myself from now on?‘
  • ‘Why?’
  • ‘Well your feet flap on the pavement.’ Enough said.

I signed up for golf lessons many years ago…the instructor told me at the end of the first lesson- ‘Ma’am, golf just isn’t your game.’ He didn’t offer to return my money…I didn’t ask either.vintage woman golfing

I really accepted my ineptness early on…when I was in college I was required to have a certain amount of physical education.

  • I took tennis.
  • I knew the rules, I aced the written tests.
  • When my grade came out, it was a glaring ‘B’ –
  • I asked the instructor why he had given me a B-
  •  Graciously he said, ‘You don’t have the Killer Instinct.’

Most Southern folks start planning their funerals when they are in their 40’s if not before…Please believe me, I know this- we have a morbid fascination with the process. It could be argued that dyin’ is more fascinating in the South. When I want my husband to listen to anything I am saying – I just have to say- ‘When I die…’ or ‘I want this played at my funeral.’   He listens up.

Recently I was contemplating an extra roll of fat I had found- it’s none of your business where I found it-I was thinking maybe I should give fitness another chance. I’ve got some important tests coming up- my cholesterol screening and BMI. I thought of all the personal risks involved. To exercise is risky for me.  I have decided that having-

Beloved Wife and Mother

She Never had the Killer Instinct

Carved on my tombstone-is sounding better and better all the time.old tombstone- aol images

Meanwhile, before I start pushing up daisies- I’m keeping close to the ground and digging in my garden…

Love y’all, Camellia

The photograph of the tennis player and the swimmer are from a vintage encyclopedia- called The New Wonder World- last copyright- 1941 by Geo. L. Shuman and Co.

The women on treadmills- attributed to an article by Huffingon Post

The golfer, the group photograph of women exercising and the tombstone from AOL images and may be subject to copyright.

 

Posted on by Camellia's Cottage · 34 Comments

Crowning Glory…

 

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To Southern women, our hair is our Crowning Glory…So, it’s a big decision whenever we start to go grey…for redheads or blondes, the decision is not so dramatic- it’s just silver threads among the gold or copper! For brunettes, it can be quite traumatic. Take me for instance…from childhood, my hair was as close to black as you could get and my eyes are this weird shade of green- very light, sort of chartreuse or lizard green…My great aunt Trix- exclaimed regularly…‘Isn’t she unusual?‘ and I never ever thought she meant that in a good way.

When the grey hairs started coming in more regularly than I thought was necessary…a decision had to be made.  Dark hair and dark eyes are a better aging combo than dark hair and light eyes…we start looking washed out. And who wants to look washed out?  That’s tantamount to looking washed up. In the South- looking washed out is almost as scary as that Ptomaine Poisoning our mothers were always telling us we would get if we ate at uninspected places. First, I followed my grandmother’s ancient advice- ‘If you look bad, get a permanent wave.’ I guess I thought if the grey hairs were coiled up tight with the others they wouldn’t be so noticeable- not true.

So amid the unsolicited advice- ‘Get that hair dyed’…and solicited advice from my beauty operator- ‘let’s put a few streaks in it’; I began the transition. I went lighter, had a few streaks put in, I looked like a blonde polecat. Back to the bottle again. When my book was published I was in the frame of mind to look as young as I could. I told the hairdresser to just do it a little lighter than my natural color which was dark brown. Dyed dark brown hair color was a pure vanity decision for the book cover.  Soon, reality sank in, I was dealing with roots. Now, Southerners have an unnatural fascination with our ancestors- our roots…however roots near your scalp isn’t pretty. We may want to know who your people are, but we don’t care whether your string of pearls is real or cultured; nor whether your hair is natural or dyed. The main thing is, Southern girls want to be cultured and real pretty, especially when it comes to our Crowning Glory.

Next- I had a semi-permanent wrench put on it, and I sat for hours with R2D2 foil squares, the pole cat look returned. I started looking in magazines and online, a good many famous people- namely movie stars of a certain age…were going naturally grey. Emmie Lou Harris, Linda Evans, Pierce Brosnan, Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Mirren, Anderson Cooper, Diane Keaton, Ali MacGraw and who can forget Meryl Streep’s silver locks?

Of course we all know that men get ‘distinguished looking’ with grey hair- I don’t hear those same sentiments about women’s grey hair. To my surprise, there were articles written about ‘grey being the new black’ with stunning examples.

Then, a blogger I truly admire- Vicki Archer, of French Essence-beautifully let her readers know of her decision to go grey. Something clicked when I read her article. I too, was going to go grey. Now, I certainly didn’t want folks to say- ‘well, she’s really let herself go’ or ‘bless her heart she sure has aged’ or ‘she needs to dye that hair’…after all a woman’s hair is her Crowning Glory- it’s biblical. Following the hairdresser’s suggestions, she warned me it would take a long time, I said I was prepared or thought I was. imageA local magazine called and wanted to do a story on my book- I could hardly have a photograph done with ‘roots’ showing! I listened to the ancient voices in my head…‘Once a woman gets a certain age- she can’t wear long stringy hair’…I had a semi-permanent wrench put on and as you can see, I had my hair cut it as short as possible! After over two years…I am finally natural again, I also decided that I missed my hair having a little length to it. When I started blogging the advice was to use a professional photograph, the book cover photograph was the only one I had…but really Darlin’ I need to update-morton tims event 1 004

It’s not a professional photograph and who knows if I will ever figure out how to change it across all media- but I’m going for ‘truth in advertising’.  And I’m gon’ try to keep some color on my face, lipstick on my lips and remember that a smile is the best face-lift. I may be too old to successfully flirt, but can always flatter. I know I’ll never get tired of hearing or telling funny stories. The pearls might not always be real, but you can never have too much culture. No matter what color it is or how it got that way-A woman’s hair truly is her Crowning Glory. For me- Salt and Pepper is the Spice of Life!

Love y’all, Camellia

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Tea Sandwiches…

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Tea Sandwiches. Tea Sandwiches were a standard menu item for almost every important occasion.. They were tiny works of art, delicate finger foods, savory pickups-alongside petit fours, cheese straws, delicately tinted mints, salted or sugared nuts, thimble angel biscuits with a sliver of Virginia Ham elevated a get together to an occasion. At the best events – tea sandwiches were artfully arranged on doily covered, freshly polished, ancient silver trays.

Even Southern men, strong or shrewd, have been known to put on smooth talking airs, dainty manners and seersucker suits with bow ties, just for the privilege of eating tea sandwiches– I’ve witnessed it- big strong outdoor types going weak kneed, gently holding a tea sandwich as if he’d just swirled the belle of the ball around the dance floor.

Let me tempt you to traipse down memory lane where tea sandwiches grace the tables:

  • Afternoon Weddings, Bridal Teas
  • Mother/Daughter Teas, Garden Parties
  • Afternoon at the Bridge Tables
  • Baby Showers, Christenings, Sunday Afternoon Socials
  • Birthday or Anniversary Parties, Historical Society Soirees

And who knows what all…Gatherings to honor:

  •  the Most Worshipful Mothers of the Conecuh County Sausage Makers
  • the Worthy Matrons of the Chilton County Peach Park
  • the Queen Mothers of the Etowah County High School Homecoming Queen Reunion
  • the Outgoing Officers of the Shelby County Cowbelles
  • an Ice Water Tea for the Hysterical Society for the Keepers of the Covered Bridges

I made those events up– yet, whatever the special occasion- again, you could count on tea, punch, cheese straws, highly decorated petit fours or cakes, mints, nuts, tea sandwiches, the perfect finger foods.

Blessed is the one who knows the procedures for making tea sandwiches. Blessed is the one who has the recipes for the fillings. Blessed is the one who is willing to make tea sandwiches- her social value increases dramatically. Cursed is the one who makes tea sandwiches for a living, since they take a period of 2-3 days to make.  Blessed is the one who chooses to make them for loved ones. I am blessed.

My grandmother taught me the procedure and about a dozen filling recipes. The top four most requested are: Chicken Salad, Pimento Cheese, Egg Salad and Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches.

Because it has been so hot this summer, I decided to share the procedure for making:

Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches 

  • 3 slender cucumbers- about 7-8 inches long (plus one for garnish-reserve)
  • the zest of one medium lemon
  • approximately 1 teaspoon of finely grated onion
  • one 8 oz package of cream cheese softened to room temperature
  • 1-2 T. of good mayonnaise- Hellman’s or any that has lemon juice in the ingredients label
  • 2 Pullman loaves of bread, white or light wheat
  • Yield 10-12 dozen and even this might not be enough!

Procedure for cucumber filling: Carefully remove the zest of one medium lemon being careful not to get into the white pith which can be bitter, then with a sharp knife, cut off the bitter ends of the cucumbers- a Tea is the Time for Celebration- it is not the time for bitterness of any kind.

I like to leave the peels on the cucumbers for color and texture, however you can keep part of the cucumbers with the peel on- then peel one or two of the cucumbers before grating them on the coarse side of a box grater. Put the grated cucumbers and lemon zest in a large fine mesh sieve placed over a deep bowl. Then on the fine side of the box grater- grate about a teaspoon of yellow onion directly into the sieve, in with the lemon zest and grated cucumbers.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the softened cream cheese, mayonnaise and about 1 teaspoon of fresh lemon juice. Refrigerate.

Inside the sieve, fit a small plate on top of the grated cucumber, lemon zest and onion-weight this down with something heavy- a large jar of pickled cucumbers will do nicely. Drain and rest in the refrigerator overnight, you will be surprised the next morning- to find about a cup of cucumber juice in the bowl. Discard liquid or if you are a health nut- drink it.

The grated cucumber, lemon zest and grated onion will be ‘dry’, that is exactly what you want to prevent soggy sandwiches. Remove the cream cheese mixture from the refrigerator. Fold the drained cucumber mix into the cream cheese mix. Chill- you may want to leave this overnight- which I prefer to do. Just think of the zest of life, the spice of life combining with an attitude of cool and calm cucumbers. Perfect!

To assemble the tea sandwiches: Discard the end pieces from the Pullman loaves of bread, white or light wheat. When the chilled cucumber mixture is a spreadable consistency, spread evenly over one side of the bread, topping it with another. You should have 40 full size sandwiches. (I make them in batches).

Now for the fun part! Trim the crusts with a serrated knife- discard or snack on… then cut the trimmed sandwich into four tiny squares or triangles- or even 3 rectangular finger sandwiches. Line a large pan with parchment, and slightly damp paper towels. Place the tiny sandwiches close together in a single layer as shown above. At this point, decorate each one as you choose- I like to top with thin sliced cucumber wedges and a few grains of lemon salt. On the single layer of sandwiches, put more damp paper towels, then another layer of tea sandwiches decorating as you go…ending with damp paper towels on top. You will need two pans. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and chill- generally overnight. This ‘chill’ makes the tea sandwiches hold together as one piece, not separated. All types of tea sandwiches follow this part of the procedure- regardless of fillings.

Keep chilled, do not unwrap until you are ready to serve. Put out in small batches if possible to keep the bread soft.  Keep any reserved sandwiches covered and chilled- and if you are smart, hidden.2015-06-05 09.21.38

I hope you’ve stayed with me this long… ‘Cool as a Cucumber’ is a Southern term- it either means- ‘we’re all perspiring but she’s sitting there as cool as a cucumber’. However I have heard no better use of it- than what my friend Coral Anne told me years ago-

 No matter what kind of mischief her favorite ex-husband had gotten into, Coral Anne said he could sit there just as cool as a cucumber!

Oh me! Makes me think of Cool as a Cucumber Tea Sandwiches every time. To loosely quote Simone Weil- ‘To be rooted in Southern culture– to know where you come from and embrace the worthwhile traditions– is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.’  I hope there are some brave souls who continue to hold the traditions of making tea sandwiches for generations to come…it is one of those least recognized needs.

Love y’all, Camellia

Simone Weil’s real comment is- ‘To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul.’

 

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Stars Fell on Alabama…

Explosive Arrival

Well y’all, it happened again- Stars Fell on Alabama! According to NASA, it is just a warm up…Delta Aquarid meteor showers lit up the night sky over Alabama on Friday night of this week! Now, I didn’t actually see them…but I did go outside after midnight…I did what they said…I looked to the southern sky, I used my naked eye- no binoculars – saw the Fingernail Moon- which is the ‘friend’ of meteor shower watchers. I didn’t have a reclining chair out front, I didn’t put a quilt on the ground like they suggested. I sat on the front porch steps…by myself. I heard a rustling sound under the front porch, I couldn’t be sure if it was a stray cat or a possum. I didn’t wait around to find out…instead I ran through the house and went out on the back porch, oriented myself again- stretched out on the warm wrought iron lounge chair and watched the twinkling skies. If you want to see the ‘show’- go to Slooh.com to find out how to watch…

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‘Stars Fell on Alabama’ has graced our license plates-

  The song became a popular tune in the 1930’s Big Band Era, being written by Mitchell Parish and arranged by Frank Perkins- then performed by Guy Lombardo. Ella Fitzgerald, Jimmy Rogers, Billie Holiday, Kate Smith, Louie Armstrong, even Frank Sinatra made the song legendary. Whenever I attended an event at the Alabama Theatre- and heard the Mighty Wurlitzer Organ being played- most of the time- ‘Stars Fell on Alabama’ would be played. Go check it out on the Alabama Theatre’s website– http://www.alabamatheatre.com Let me tell you something- there was nothing more awe inspiring than hearing the Mighty Wurlitzer!

The Mighty Wurlitzer

From Debutante Balls, to beauty pageants, honky tonks, Shrine Clubs, Elks Lodges, country clubs, under the revolving ball in the Cloud Room at Cascade Plunge, at leadouts, even dance clubs where you could win a chicken dinner if you were the best dancers- all the way to Mardi Gras Balls-  (yes! Alabama was first to observe Mardi Gras)- one thing you could count on was ‘Stars Fell on Alabama’ being played, couples swaying and swinging around the dance floor.

In 1833, stars really did fall on Alabama– it is estimated at 30,000 per hour and continued for approximately 9 hours in Alabama but over a 3 day period elsewhere-constituting a meteor storm. It was a terrifyingly beautiful night- most were scared out of their minds- fearing Judgement Day was at hand-folks gathered in churches with open Bibles, then fearfully throwing dice, cards and liquor into the flames. Some even began to count time from this event in 1833- the only group that was not frightened were the American Indians who thought it was a lucky sign and I believe some sort of treaty was signed by the Cheyenne tribes. Several more meteor showers continued on into the 1860’s – Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass even Abraham Lincoln were said to have commented on the falling stars. However bizarre the 1833 event was in Alabama, in 1954 a woman named Ann Hodges from Sylacauga, Alabama, the only known person to have been struck by a meteor- was laying on her sofa, covered up with thick quilts- I suspect taking a nap- when a big rock crashed the roof, bounced off of her radio and left what National Geographic describes as a pineapple shaped bruise on her leg- through all of those quilts! Throwback Thursday: The day a meteorite hit a Sylacauga woman | AL.comSylacauga meteorite: 60th anniversary of a human hit by a space rock.shows where Ann Hodges was struck in the hip by an 8.5 lb meteorite ...

Some thought it was a plane crash, others thought it was an overt attack by the Soviets- it was during the Cold War after all! The Police Chief confiscated the rock and turned it over to the U.S. Air Force because folks were so paranoid about it all. A court case ensued once the rock was declared a meteorite- Ann Hodges and her husband rented the house from Birdie Guy who claimed since it hit her house- it was her star. The courts agreed. Ann and her husband had public opinion on their side and settled out of court- paid Birdie $500 and later when it wasn’t really worth that much even to the Smithsonian- they donated it to the museum of natural history. Once again- Stars Fell on Alabama! This story was so interesting to another Alabamian, Fanny Flagg, that she fictionally incorporated into her book, Whistlestop Café, which became the movie, ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’!

Now, there are great YouTube videos of Alabama native, Jimmy Buffet singing ‘Stars Fell on Alabama’ and the Jacksonville State Marching Southerners as they play ‘Stars Fell on Alabama’ at every home game, however, I love the version done by the Lennon Sisters- DeeDee, Peggy, Kathy and Janet- holding their train cases on the Lawrence Welk Show!

https://youtu.be/JCz5n2cSIy0

Aren’t they just darlin’ with their matching suits and bouffant hairdos? From now til August is over….hope you get to see some Stars Falling over Alabama!

Love y’all, Camellia

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Pit Barbeque…

 

Three Barbeques, Two Fish Fries, One Pancake Breakfast, a Wedding and a Funeral- all in one day. No time to change in between…if this was a fashion blog I could tell you what to wear- a black dress. Fill a bag with accessories, several pairs of shoes, make up, a damp rag and deodorant. It got me through and we had the time of our lives! I don’t hold a world record on attending events- my husband probably deserves a medal.  We’ve gone to so many Barbeques, we might claim expert status on tasting barbeque. Mastering a pit is an entirely different skill.  Real Pit Barbeque is cooked 10-12 hours…this isn’t backyard grilling.  There’s no doubt in my mind that American Pit Barbeque originated in the South- poor rural folks, fattened a few pigs- so  fresh pork was cheap and available.Raw Peanuts

Alabama’s own -George Washington Carver  taught the art of growing peanuts right here in Alabama; Smithfield Hams of Virginia were known for fattening their hogs on peanuts.  What fattens a hog, fattens human beings, y’all. Boiled or roasted peanuts are almost always found near Pit Barbeque;  shells strewn on the floor add ambience and soak up the grease.  Most farms had a smokehouse for hams and bacon. No part of the hog was wasted. Fresh pork was Pit Smoked to feed harvest workers on large farms, to celebrate or commiserate. The love of barbeque knows no social class. We all love it.

Southern Pit Barbeque ventured off the farms to become Backroad joints, Dives and Honky Tonks. The old ones had a ‘risque’ feel to them. My mother once whined – ‘We can’t take these children in there! Folks are drinkin’ and no tellin’ what all..’; which made the joint even more appealing to children and menfolks. I heard a BBQ Pit Master say: ‘I feed this pit some whiskey every night.’  I’m not sure what he was talking about- however, the combination did exist. You can’t get good barbeque in a chain restaurant– the quality goes down by miles. In fact, folks will drive for miles down blacktop, gravel, or dusty red roads out in the middle of nowhere- just to find a real Pit Barbeque joint. If you’re willing to drive backroads-

  •  scented with Loblolly pines,
  • look for hand written signs-
  • roll down the windows-
  • follow the fragrant wood smoke- That’s where real Pit Barbeque is cooked.
  • Rusted out trucks and dented cars are a good sign;
  • Then look for grimy folks who tend the pit round the clock.
  • BBQ joints are often charred shacks or a blackened concrete block buildings- usually near a small creek to douse the flames.

I have a letter written close to 50 years ago, telling about a shack, a hot plate with a pot of dried beans and a ‘Still -right ready to make up whiskey’  when a fire broke out.  I’m just sayin’ – they had to augment their incomes and somebody must have been feeding a pit somewhere.

Pit Masters are a rare breed– those men are browned to perfection either by birth, the hot southern sun or a combination of both. They are soot streaked, well greased, smoke tinged, and speckled with burn marks up and down their arms. Their aprons are soiled and smeared. Listen to me- never trust a Pit Master who has on a starched white apron– he hasn’t been near a Real Pit and don’t know nothin’ ’bout it!  Pit Barbeque was the usual fare for private parties, political rallies, mysterious Barbeque Clubs, fundraisers and Church Picnics. I’m not sure how church picnics got on the short list– maybe a pit man escaped serious injury, the revenuers or was alone one spooky moonlit night and found Jesus. Of course, there have been many slurs against those of us who enjoy barbeque- calling us hogs, saying we root around or grunt like a pig when we eat it. We endure the ribbing because we know how good Pit Barbeque is for the soul- Southerners can get downright Evangelical about it.

Great Pit Barbeque is born in hot fiery coals. Don’t let anyone tell you- the secret is in the sauce. Whole families would argue me down about this- but if the meat isn’t good, you can’t cover it up or smother it with any amount of sauce and make it taste good. Now here’s how to order-

  • Fold your hands in prayer;
  • Contemplate whether you want it sliced, pulled or chopped; Amen.
  • Baptize it with whatever sauce you like: Red, White, Vinegar based, Sticky, Thin or Thick; Hot, Mild or fire on the tongue-hot! Your choice.
  • Snort, snort, uh-ah, grunt, Soo-ey!  Sorry about that hog-callin’,
  • I like my Barbeque – Chopped Outside Lean- if you don’t understand the lingo, I can’t help you!

One of my favorite local joints is affectionately called the Texa-que, a combo gas station and Pit Barbeque. The real name is Butts to Go. The blackened cylinder pits, the stacks of hardwood, the fragrant smoke billowing up- slows you down, your stomach makes guttural sounds. Butts to Go also smokes hams and turkeys which are to die for; wonderful comfort food for a bereaved family. Spicy hot food, like Pit Barbeque is considered inappropriate funeral food. But if you’re ever on I-20E toward the Talledega Super Speedway,  watch for the signs- pull over, you’ll be glad you did.

From the first bite you’ll know – you’re either a Hog or Evangelical about Pit Barbeque by the sounds that come out of your mouth. I’ve said it before: Southern Food Tales are part passion, part potion and part outright lies. Butts to Go is the real deal.

Love y’all, Camellia

* A big thank you to Wade Reich for allowing me to use his Butts to Go logo and website photo from http://www.buttstogo.com

All others are AOL Images, if any are not public domain or copyrighted  I will be glad to make the corrections or remove the photographs.

Check out http://www.smithfieldhams.com too!