I’m just going to admit it- I’m uncoordinated. I will never be good at sports or exercising. Never have been, do not aspire to it. First of all, going to a gym without at least some color on my face- blush or lipstick -would be sort of horrifying for me. I would hate to inflict that on anyone. I no longer buy swimsuits. I still call them bathing suits-I do not wear bathing suits so as not to inflict my aging body on the general public. I can wear a cute cover up and have a fine old time.
The last time I tried exercising in a group publically was in an aerobics class at my church at least 30 years ago- it was a disaster– no really, I am not kidding. The building had indoor/outdoor carpeting. I had on a cute new outfit with socks and tennis shoes. I stood on the back row of a class of 30 women, just in case. I could not get the steps right, I could not shift several steps to the right and hop, flailing my arms around in the air at the same time. I hopped-scooted over…my tennis shoe caught on the indoor outdoor carpet– I stumbled backwards, trying not to hurt anyone or break their rhythm and ended up flinging myself into a whole wall of metal folding chairs. It was not pretty, it was loud with all of those chairs falling like steel dominoes. The acoustics in that room are pretty good… let’s just say this was not a joyful noise unto the Lord.
I have tried to explain being uncoordinated for years- especially when folks tell me about steps and swings and all manner of fitness routines. I cannot risk it. I’m not proud of this. I have tried walking on a tread mill more than once and more than once have managed to trip and skid off, machine still rolling.
My husband, a person of considerable athletic skill, has known and accepted my uncoordinated style; since as newlyweds he let me go with him on a run…when we got back he said-
- ‘How ’bout letting me run by myself from now on?‘
- ‘Why?’
- ‘Well your feet flap on the pavement.’ Enough said.
I signed up for golf lessons many years ago…the instructor told me at the end of the first lesson- ‘Ma’am, golf just isn’t your game.’ He didn’t offer to return my money…I didn’t ask either.
I really accepted my ineptness early on…when I was in college I was required to have a certain amount of physical education.
- I took tennis.
- I knew the rules, I aced the written tests.
- When my grade came out, it was a glaring ‘B’ –
- I asked the instructor why he had given me a B-
- Graciously he said, ‘You don’t have the Killer Instinct.’
Most Southern folks start planning their funerals when they are in their 40’s if not before…Please believe me, I know this- we have a morbid fascination with the process. It could be argued that dyin’ is more fascinating in the South. When I want my husband to listen to anything I am saying – I just have to say- ‘When I die…’ or ‘I want this played at my funeral.’ He listens up.
Recently I was contemplating an extra roll of fat I had found- it’s none of your business where I found it-I was thinking maybe I should give fitness another chance. I’ve got some important tests coming up- my cholesterol screening and BMI. I thought of all the personal risks involved. To exercise is risky for me. I have decided that having-
Beloved Wife and Mother
She Never had the Killer Instinct
Carved on my tombstone-is sounding better and better all the time.
Meanwhile, before I start pushing up daisies- I’m keeping close to the ground and digging in my garden…
Love y’all, Camellia
The photograph of the tennis player and the swimmer are from a vintage encyclopedia- called The New Wonder World- last copyright- 1941 by Geo. L. Shuman and Co.
The women on treadmills- attributed to an article by Huffingon Post
The golfer, the group photograph of women exercising and the tombstone from AOL images and may be subject to copyright.
You had me rolling! Love your sense of style and humor!
LikeLiked by 3 people
sad to say – it’s all true, no exaggeration… I must laugh at myself or it would be very sad…ha! thanks for stopping by!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I am coming to Birmingham this weekend. No bathing suit will be packed. 🙂 I am my own best joke!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow ! Oh yes, I don’t have to hunt up material I’m enough ! Ha ! Am loving your book !
LikeLiked by 2 people
OPh I am so glad! 🙂 If you want to meet up, I can sign it while in town.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe we can make that work!
LikeLiked by 2 people
This was hysterical. Thanks for the brutally honest laugh’
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, it is brutal… so glad you liked it! thanks Sherrie!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my dear, I’m right there with you!! The church fitness class debacle would have been my story too, if I ever ventured to one!!
I have tripped on air, and fallen up stairs before! And, fallen off flip flops!! Let’s just say, mine were more flops than flips!
I call them bathing suits too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thanks for openly joining the uncoordinated group!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome! You already know by my blog, I tell all!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post.. exercise a bit of love abit of hate a bit off i better.
Love the photos and love the old tread mill. Where do you find the photos
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you! well..i google what i’m looking for sometimes but I have a good many vintage books that I photograph as well- fun stuff! oh and often I will take an old photograph and photoshop to black and white-if I do find photos online I try to find public domain
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh thank you! I feel SO much better about myself!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think all of us ‘uncoordinated’ girls need to stand up and be counted! We can coordinate our clothes – even if our bodies don’t! always love your comments!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think they called that class Jazzercise and I stayed in the back row as well! Great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you are right! I went once and decided that the other ladies would enjoy it and benefit from it much more than having to help put back all the chairs every time!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too funny! It is hard to get yourself moving if you’re fairly certain you’ll just end up face down on the ground. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
ha! yes, and I know this first hand- last summer we were in DC just a few hours…we all went out to walk around Georgetown and not 3 blocks from our hotel, I tripped on an uneven sidewalk and fell head first! we took our first tour of DC by a really large emergency vehicle which held all 5 of us! umhmm 12 weeks in an arm brace, knee surgery and a gash on my forehead… it’s funny but not
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my! I hope you’re all recovered; how awful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was proud of my family- they forged ahead and had a good time- I had to limit some of my activities- it was not the best of times to recover…however in my confinement I came up with this crazy idea of writing a blog- just in case I ever really do get confined! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank y’all for the link! 🙂
LikeLike
Lol, you have such a great sense of humor!!
Even though I don’t think you were looking for advice really, here’s one: just simple walking or riding the bicycle (if you think you that it won’t be too dangerous for you) can make a lot of difference. You don’t have to be next female Arnold Schwarzenegger 🙂 P&L
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh darlin’ I love advice ! I do have a Fitbit band and try to walk as much as I can…last year I did trip on an uneven sidewalk in Georgetown however, when we travel we enjoy large cities and walking tours ! Bicycles might be another story….thanks for the advice…I do love yoga may write about that some time…when I string 3 days together doing it !
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad for you!
There are activities for everyone, you just have to find the one that suits you 🙂
Great, looking forward to reading about it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know you are right!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
I love those images, great job
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
As a personal trainer, I am constantly looking at different mindsets and coming up with ways of encouraging people and trying to break down barriers, I must say I love the way you find the humor in it all. And just take hold of it as it comes 👍🏻 great post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! Actually, it was cathartic to write this post- I found myself laughing as I wrote it! Walking very carefully may be the best way for someone like me to go! 🙂 thanks for stopping by! xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow I can totally relate to this. I’m a nineteen year old who is in the beginning of my fitness journey. I started a blog to share my experiences and progress along the way! If your interested check it out! braedonsjourney.wordpress.com
LikeLike
I sure will! I have found that I am not really good at it but do enjoy a gentle yoga practice! will check out your blog!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are many different types of exercising! If you find one you enjoy it makes it ten times easier! Thank you I appreciate it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The wife and I really love this blog and appreciate the creativity and inspiration you provide. If you ever decide to take this blog to the next level by offering a Mobile App version my company Zenlight would love to help for an extremely low price, we appreciate the hard work you have put into this blog and wish you all future success in business and in life.
Thank you for your time, it is the most precious thing we all possess.
-Jacque’
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you Jacque’ blessings to you! i’m so new at this I am going to give it at least a year before I take it to another level
LikeLiked by 1 person
Camellia you are too kind, we appreciate your consideration.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Camellia's Cottage and commented:
Well, now that I’ve eaten too much on Thanksgiving, I was thinking that I need to burn off some of those calories- then I thought of this post and am rethinking it! The most ‘liked’ post on Camellia’s Cottage’s short history….Instinct or Fitness! Maybe laughing burns calories! Enjoy!
LikeLike
Yep, we’re kind of alike. Haven’t worn a “bathing suit” in decades even though I’m thin enough. Don’t like pucker drapey skin. Besides, I don’t swim and my dermatologist would be aghast if I came in with a tan. Cut off jeans with a tee shirt works good enough for my infrequent trips to the beach. As a kid, I was always picked last for teams (even though everyone liked me). Never bothered me much. Even when I went skiing I would agree to meet my friends at the hot chocolate hut (where I spent most of my time admiring the scenery). Never even tried golf. Eighteen holes with no ice cream truck or bathrooms. I think not.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Agreed! Agreed! I was always the last one chosen as well! Some people are just not born athletes! 🙂 xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m also allergic to athletes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well…my husband was quite the athlete- All County in Football and Baseball and our daughters are runners! But… I am a good audience for them! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even before my spinal cord injury ruined what little coordination I had organized exercise routines and I had a hate/hate relationship. I spent so much time in the ER as a kid that the doctor told me I should have my own key. I can easily see myself and the metal chairs toppling to the ground together!
And they’re bathing suits no matter what Madison Avenue tells us to call them now. And I don’t wear them because people see my round body in bright colors and think they can play in the pool with me. I’d let them if I’d end up flattened from being jumped on but it doesn’t work that way.
Now funerals! That I can get behind. I have a list on my phone, computer, and typed out of what songs I want played (and the artist who MUST be used), who gets what, and how I want my body disposed of (although my family says dropping me in the peat bogs a little north of here would get them in trouble and I probably wouldn’t end up a 500 year old bog body in a museum anyway; more like the body under the Walmart parking lot.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hysterical! Search my post ‘dyin in the south’ I think you will relate 😉 xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll find it right now!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Enjoyed your post, as a fellow uncoordinated, non-sporty person! You have a quick wit though!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hysterical! Glad to meet you! In my best southern way I have to say- ‘we must always endeavor to celebrate our strengths and weaknesses!’ Xoxo
LikeLike